A Wayfaring Stranger

2011

2011-12-31T23:37:00.002-05:00

I look at this blog here and realize there's a lot more I would have liked to have written over the last 12 months. I don't have a good excuse for this other than time was spent on other things. Much of the time was wasted I must admit though some of it was spent doing things I enjoy or had made a commitment to do so it just didn't get done. There are things in my head that I hope to one day articulate into this blog. I hope to be a person that is transparent in my life…an open book. I often wonder though if some things once I written out should be kept for personal reflection. I guess in the end that will be a decision I will make and will be known most likely only be me.

Anyway this is not the time for those things but to reflect on how 2011 turned out. Like 2010 and all year's past in reflection I see nothing less than that God is faithful. Here are 11 moments or things from 2011 that will stick with me for one reason or another:

1. Opening The 86. It took close to a year for us to get this thing open and on April 1st, 2011 that is what happened. It is what kept me here in Cincinnati. It has had it's share of difficulties but has brought a ton of joy as well. The crew at The 86 is family and I wouldn't want to work with anyone else. We have had some great shows over the last few months. Here is the footage so far with more to come as soon as I have time to edit and post:

2. Thank You For Being A Friend Tour happening at my house. Dan Smith contacted me and The 86 about this tour. The problem that arose was that the date given was a Sunday. I offered my house and after the unsuccessful search for other locations it was finally confirmed that this would happen. Lisa, who also works at The 86 offered to help me put this on so I didn't have to try to collect money, deal with sound, and other little things. Another music scene friend Carissa came out to support along with many, many other friends. This was a show that likely will never be topped as far as house shows go. The turnout was probably larger than my basement could handle so it was a good thing that Derek Zanetti of The Homeless Gospel Choir came up with the idea to do it in the back yard. Josh Scogin, vocalist for The Chariot, was also on this little tour. He brought up the idea of shooting a The Chariot video in my basement. I am all for it if it were to happen. Anyway, this night was a snapshot of why I open my house for these kind of events to build community with other music lovers. It also seems to open up conversation of eternal things with the artists and others who come to enjoy the event most of the time as well. I believe God is using these opportunities. This is why I do what I do. Here are the playlists that highlight that night:

3. Cornerstone 2011. It started with a bang…literally. We were blindsided by a storm the first night we were there. So much for the plan to have a relaxing first day before the gates open. Though my little "slug" tent survived and I got to sleep in it while the others had to sleep in cars, we spent the next day rebuilding the many destroyed tents and canopy. We also spent time at a laundromat for those who needed to dry their bedding and clothes. After all that excitement, then we got to enjoy the live music and community that Cornerstone provides each year. There was speculation this could be the end of Cornerstone but it appears that this favorite annual event will go on. Here is a playlist of all that Cornerstone was to me:

4. Growing Closer To My Friends. Going to shows with a few other people this year instead of always doing it alone allowed me to grow closer to some friends. Lisa, Josh, Tara, Gabrielle, and Russ all were traveling friends to one or more shows. Working at The 86 allowed this to happen with some of the same friends and some others. Booking my own shows also did this. This I no doubt believe will continue beyond this year but it was important to me so I included it here.

5. GothiCon. New friends were made and I saw a beautiful communal gathering of a subculture often misunderstood. Many things came against the ministry that put this together as well as against those of us of The 86 who opened our venue and our lives to this event but God used all of it for good. We enjoyed it and hope it can occur again soon.

6. Headnoise/Deadhorse Show. Once again I recruited help from Lisa and Carissa came by as well and things went pretty good for this show until Deadhorse was nearing the climatic end of their set and the power went out. Upon further investigation it was found that the whole block was without power at least if not a greater area and power was not expected to be restored for several hours. Headnoise decided to do their very first acoustic set of three songs on the front porch where a little light from a neighboring building that likely has a generator allowed us to see a little bit and listen. Robert Goodwin said a prayer to close the evening and there were many great conversations about what it is we do and how our faith is in it. I hope to have another opportunity to work with Headnoise again in the future.

7. Destroy Nate Allen Show. I think what makes this particular show stand out in my mind over the others that I didn't mention on here was the aftershow. Nate contacted me first in 2010 when I didn't have a space to use for a show. He contacted me again early in 2011 trying to set up the summer tour but originally it didn't look like it would work out. In the end it did as I delayed my trip to Warren, PA by a day. This show happened the day after returning from Cornerstone. The DNA set happened outside in the yard like the Listener show and though what DNA does is a bit bizarre, it was a good time. After the show, Nate & his wife and performance partner asked to go out for dinner and spend more time together. Lisa called me to see if the show was still going on. She ended up having to work. She ended up meeting us at Skyline to eat. I learned during the dinner conversation some things I feel will benefit me moving forward with my personal ministry with both The 86 and doing house shows. It also seemed that Nate and I have dealt with some similar issues in our desire to minister to the people we are in constant contact and community with through the live music scene. I appreciated this time we had. Here are the playlists from that show:

8. Shows In General. All the shows I went to were great! All the shows I worked on either at The 86 or at the house were also great! It is my joy working with bands regardless of where. I love live music. In my opinion there is nothing like it. The potential to build community with others who support independent and local music is why I do this. Oftentimes the opportunity to share my faith comes through this. As I said before, some friendships were strengthened through the shared experience of the live shows and traveling to/from them. The performance is another reason I love live music. The music itself is great but there is something special that only comes from a performance. That is why I film a lot of live shows too. The house shows were able to continue even with the strife in the house and the separation of it. Philip has the two upper floors and I have the first and basement. Pomegranates practiced for a time when there were no shows going on and I had anywhere from one to five happen per month. I will continue doing this as long as I can. I will always enjoy live music

9. Pittsburgh. The Pirates were competitive for the first time in nearly 20 years and I had the opportunity to catch a game at PNC Park so I did. I also got to visit with my friend Joe for the first time in several years at Rolland's - a restaurant where he serves. I enjoyed a free meal before the game and we hung out for a while afterwards before I returned to my parent's in the wee hours of the morning before my return to Cincinnati. Pittsburgh feels like home. Will it be? I don't know but I am open for the possibility.

10. Going HD. I switched up some of what I use to create the videos I have created. I first bought Final Cut Pro for a great price (about 1/3 retail) on ebay and came to find that my macbook was not up to the proper standards to handle Final Cut Pro. I returned to ebay to find another great deal on a mac mini which I would run through my HD television. I went to ebay once again to find another great deal and picked up a high definition JVC camera. Unfortunately the first one was stolen but God blessed me with a second one for even cheaper on ebay. I lost about 6 hours of footage which bummed me out but I was able to replace and move forward rather quickly and important events such as Cornerstone was documented for those of us who care to see.

11. Going vinyl. I became closer friends with Brent Lakes who runs Broken Circles Records. Some similar tastes in music led to my purchases of artists who he was pressing to vinyl. I borrowed my parents stereo to start but then purchased my own and have come to enjoy the difference in vinyl enough that I keep my eye out for vinyl editions of albums from bands I happen to like quite a bit.

2011's best music I acquired (in my debatable opinion)

1. Beneath The Oaks (ep)

2. Blindside - With Shivering Hearts We Wait

3. Civil Wars - Barton Hollow

4. Cool Hand Luke - Of Man

5. The Homeless Gospel Choir - You Work So Hard Just To Be Like Everyone Else

6. Jawbone - Loss Of Innocence

7. Josh Garrels - Love & War & The Sea In Between

8. Life In Your Way - Kingdoms

9. Pomegranates - In Your Face Theives/Chestnut Attic

10. Sleeping Giant - Kingdom Days In An Evil Age

11. The Scurvies - Don't Let Me Go

*honorable mention goes to Wooden Heart by Listener…not a 2011 release but released in 2011 on vinyl by Broken Circles Records which is when I got it.

The 86 - Blood, Sweat, & Tears!

2011-04-05T00:49:00.002-04:00

http://the86club.com

On Friday, April 1st, 2011, the 86 opened to the public...this was nearly a year in the making and two and a half years in the waiting for what was to come!

When the 86 was coming together and a location was being found, I was leaving Covenant with some question about what it was I would do. God’s timing is great while at times quite stressful. Throughout the process of purchasing the building where the ministry of The 86 takes place, Chris and Monica Human took a leap of faith believing that the money would be there when it was needed and at the last possible moment, it was there! Anytime during the cleaning and renovating that supplies or help was needed the funds, supplies, or people would be there! So many of us involved in this thing don’t have the most financially stable lives or jobs but we believe in the vision of Chris and Monica and in this ministry and put everything we could into it alongside them.

The week leading up to the opening many long days were put in trying to get everything done. We didn’t get everything done but enough was accomplished to open without much of a hitch. Tom Conlon, one of the artists scheduled to perform during the Grand Opening, was at the club helping until 4am in the morning on Friday so that things could be ready to go at 8pm on Friday night. People worked right up until the doors opened to get things done. When all was said and done, it felt right to be back with these people working to provide not just entertainment but a community of hope and love to a population that doesn’t feel they are loved or a sense of hope in this dark world.

The location of The 86 is perfect to be reaching the people we feel led to minister among...the very same people that seem to be drawn to us for some reason or another. The name of the club alludes to the rejection by society (and in some ways the rejection of society) of the rocknroll crowd. Many of us involved in the ministry also have been the rejected. We have found a hope in Jesus Christ the fulfilled us and gave us a purpose in this life and we want to share that hope to everyone that crosses our path.

The 86 will be a welcome place. We believe it will be life changing. There are so many other things in the works for The 86 such as studios, practice spacs, artist and band development, and apartments as well as the various ministries that each of these opportunities will bring. We are committed to this and have great anticipation for what is to come now that we are on the other side of the grand opening!

Financial needs remain unfortunately...if you happen to have anything you could give please visit the ministry website and donate. Your money goes completely into serving the community with this club.

http://86ministries.com

HERE WE GO PITTSBURGH!

2011-02-01T02:27:00.009-05:00

I've been in Ohio for the most part since the fall of 2001. While attending Mount Vernon Nazarene University I was still technically a Pennsylvania resident so my loyalty to Pittsburgh was more scoffed than questioned by the Brownie fans that I was surrounded by as well as the Bungles fans. Even when I moved to Mansfield in 2005 the fact that I am from Pennsylvania made sense on why I am a Pittsburgh fan. It wasn't until I moved to Cincinnati in 2007 that people had expectation that I would abandon the teams I grew up rooting for in favor of the Bungles?!? Sorry guys, but that's just not going to happen.

My move to Ohio has had nothing to do with sports but for opportunities in ministry. I am currently in Cincinnati because a ministry brought me here...I remain because of an opportunity I believe in called The 86 Club. No, it wasn't the sports that brought me here but God and it has been God that's kept me here along with an amazing music scene and community.

I was born in 1980 so I missed the glory years of the 1970s when Pittsburgh was the city of Champions. The Steelers won their fourth Super Bowl a few months before I was born in early 1980 and from what I can tell, the 80s was a decade to forget for Pittsburgh fans. That's ok, because I didn't really pay attention to sports at that time.

In 1990 the Pirates ended the decade slump for professional sports by winning the Eastern Division and going to the NL Championship where they would lose to the Reds and they went on to win the World Series. The Pirates won the Eastern Division again in 1991 and 1992 and lost the NL Championship to the Atlanta Braves those years spawning and intense dislike for that team. And so began what stands at this point is an 18 season losing streak with no end in site.

In 1991 and 1992 the Penguins won their first ever Stanley Cups making Pittsburgh a City of Champions again. Though it was a bit of a roller coaster ride in the years in between, the Penguins have again risen to greatness and won another Stanley Cup in 2009 with a revenge beating of the Detroit Red Wings after coming up just short the year before losing to the Red Wings. Currently expectations are high that the Penguins will continue to be a contender for the forseeable future.

The Steelers remained competitive year in and year out since Cowher took over having only three losing seasons. Cowher was able to take them to two Super Bowls and win one of those and now Tomlin has matched that in less time possibly surpassing it if the Steelers win this Sunday against the Packers.

In college sports my loyalties lie with Penn State (Joe Paterno) and University of Pittsburgh. Penn State won two National Championships in my lifetime and is a consistent competitor for the Big Ten Championship every year. Pitt is a consistent contender for the title of the Big East in both football and basketball.

I began to pay attention to sports in the 90s when I started to play. Naturally I was a Pittsburgh fan due in part to the location of my upbringing, in part due to the success of the Pirates and the Penguins at the time, and largely due to my family influence of Pittsburgh support. My parents and Uncles were around to experience the greatness of the 70s. My grandfather had to suffer through the inept teams the preceded the Noll era and the winning. At least for him, the Pirates won Championships in the 1960 and 1971. Strangely, at that time, in Warren, PA we didn't get Pittsburgh channels. The cable provider explained that the hills were too big when asked why. Apparently the hills shrunk by the late 90s and I was able to watch Fox Sports Pittsburgh but as a pay per view channel. After leaving for college it changed to free so when I am back I get a chance to watch it still. Prior to the hills shrinkage, I would get to see the Pirattes on TBS, a New York network that showed the Mets, occasionally on ESPN if the game wasn't blacked out, and on WGN when visiting my great grandparents in Tidioute - a town south of Warren who got Fox Sports Pittsburgh a few years sooner than Warren.

I suppose since Warren, PA is about equal distance from Cleveland as from Pittsburgh I could have given my support to the teams there or maybe Buffalo which is a bit closer. In the early 90s, the Bills were able to get into the Super Bowl four times in a row which is quite the achievement. I rooted for them each time but they lost each time and then the Steelers returned to their winning ways. The Sabres made it to the Stanley Cup finals in '99 and once again I rooted for Buffalo but they lost. The Cleveland Indians made it to the World Series in the 90s and I rooted for them in '95 (they were playing the hated Braves) but I had to go with the former PIrates manager Jim Leyland leading the Marlins to victory in '97. These other cities with major league professional sports closest to my hometown have not been the City of Champions like Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh has brought two Super Bowl Championships with hope for a third this week and three Stanley Cup Championships. It is indeed the City of Champions!

Pittsburgh has a blue collar mentality and it shows in its teams. The Steelers are easily the toughest football team out there. Say what you want about Ben Roethlisberger's personal life (I know you Brownie fans will continue to tastelessly point that out) but he is the toughest quarterback in the league. Steeler football has been known for its run offense and defense. Roethlisberger has brought a new element with his ability to shake off hits and make passing plays and occasionally run the ball himself. The Penguins especially this year has become a tough team with adding guys not afraid to drop the gloves and they are proving they can winwithout their superstars

In moving to Ohio, I did not abandon my roots nor will I ever. I am loyal to Pittsburgh sports. When people tell me I should become a Cincinnati fan I ask would they switch if they were to move to Pittsburgh. That remark is met with disgust and should be enough proof as to why I haven't switched loyalty just because I switched geography. Certainly it helps when Pittsburgh teams are proven winners and with the exception of the Pirates the management makes a point to ensure a consistency of winning teams. For the record, I do root for the Cincinnati Cyclones who have had two championship teams since I've moved to Cincinnati...but that is minor league (the only Ohio major league sports team to win a championship in my lifetime is the Cincinnati Reds and they beat the Pirates to get there).

In football, I have more respect for Bengals fans than I do Brownie fans. The Bengals fans have realistic expectations of their team and realize when they aren't playing so great whereas the Brownie fans will believe they are on the verge of a Super Bowl even when it is impossible for them to get there (such as having been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention). Both sets of fans seem to have an undeserved sense of entitlement though but the Brownie fans are much more obnoxious about it. Typically you have to win to earn the right to talk trash…

In the event that Pittsburgh isn't in a playoff for whatever reason, I will often root for the Bengals, Reds, or Bills if they were to make it. I cannot bring myself to root for Cleveland teams (since '95 when I rooted for the Indians). Besides the legacy of losing in Cleveland, I just plain don't like that city nor the teams there. I find it hilarious when they lose. I do have friends there that l love and enjoyed a few good rock shows up that way over the years but generally, Cleveland just plain sucks. It's a shame I have to drive through it to get from Cincinnati back to Warren, PA. No matter how rough a day may be, the realization that I'm not in or from Cleveland is enough to make things much better!

Yes, I am a born and raised western Pennsylvanian Pittsburgh sports fan and proud of it and that won't change. I have a glimmer of hope that the Pirates will one day end the 18 season losing streak but live in the reality that the real sports happen in the fall and winter. In my lifetime I have been witness to three Stanely Cup winning seasons for the Penguins and two Super Bowl winning Steelers teams out of three appearances. The Steelers have the most Super Bowl Champions in the NFL and will be trying to win a third for my lifetime and seventh overall. I believe that they will win it and I will be watching on Sunday with my terrible towel in hand right after I watch the Pittsburgh Penguins play and hopefully beat the Capitals. I know there will be seasons were the teams I love won't do well and I will acknowledge when it happens. For the Penguins and the Steelers…this is not that year!

HERE WE GO PITTSBURGH! HERE WE GO!

The 10 Great Things Of 2010

2010-12-31T15:37:00.004-05:00

I had a habit of trying to write out a year in review the last couple years but I don't feel like doing so this time so Here's a highlight of 10 moments that are worth thinking about from 2010:

1. God is faithful. God is alive and moving. This could have been a very rough year but there was peace throughout the uncertainty and chaos that can only come through God. Leaving behind some of the things that come with denominations and doctrine was helpful in opening me to experience this. God is too big to be defined by one person's ideology. I feel I came to better understand this over the last few years and though I am thankful for my roots and what I have been taught, I know there is more of God to be experienced and I don't want to limit how God works with preconceived ideas. I am trying to be open to the possibilities beyond what I am comfortable with or know about. Thanks to those who have been part of Witler House, the 86'd crew and all the communities surrounding them both. You have meant more than you could ever know.

2. 86Ministries and the 86 Club beginning and taking shape and the ministry that has already begun. I believe this is will be an incredible ministry and has been key to my staying in Cincinnati. It's been a leap of faith for so many of us involved but God has provided when we needed it. On a personal, side note: if you are able, it would mean a lot if you could support what we are doing. go to http://86ministries.com then go to give and see what areas in which we need help.

3. My house! 4114 Witler is home for now and I am excited about the possibilities of what can be done in this space. So far, I have opened it up for a few concerts and allowed friends in bands to stay when they needed. I do intend to submit the house to RYFO to hopefully expand the ability to help artists who need it by providing a place to rest or play a small house show. Currently Phillip Smith is the only other resident in a house that can easily hold up to five people so in the coming year I hope to find others interested in living in community at this house to join us here.

4. The last show I booked/put on at Covenant. The lineup and all the people involved in it made this a night to remember for a very long time. I can't think of a better way to end my time with Covenant than what happened that night and with my friends new and old.

5. The show at Covenant on Good Friday. There was a special movement of the Spirit that night that I for one felt and even with some uncertainty swirling around me as to the future there was peace on this night and Mark Nicks (of Cool Hand Luke) had some good things to say and good music to share.

6. Having bands play house shows in my house. It was a thrill to have Deadhorse, The Never Setting Suns, Sacred Spirits, Jonathan Hape, Silent Tongues, Bear (The Ghost), and Wild Talents amongst others play in the basement. Hoping this continues in some way even after the 86 Club opens.

7. All the wonderful friends I met through putting together concerts. This bleeds back to 2009 as well. I am so glad that I could continue to work with you even after the end of my time at Covenant. I am excited to see what is to come. Most importantly, I am glad to know each of you and call you my friends.

8. Cornerstone. This will probably always be on a list of highlights of my year because simply it is a highlight of every year. I will add to this for the third year a highlight of the autumn season has been going to Unified Underground. both events have been inspiring and refreshing each time I go.

9. Building relationships in the Cincinnati D.IY. community and the opportunities to reach out within that to host shows that probably would otherwise never have come to Covenant which has led to the opportunity to open up my basement for some shows since moving in to the house. There are great things going on within this and hopefully it can continue strong.

10. Reconciliation…enough said.

Favorite 10 Albums of 2010 (that I can think of currently); going to go with Alphabetical Order by Artist here:

1. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Beat The Devil's Tattoo

2. The Chariot - Long Live

3. Deadhorse - We Can Create Our Own World

4, Flatfoot56 - Black Thorn

5. For Today - Breaker

6. Never Setting Suns - And Now We Are Not Alone

7. Pomegranates - One Of Us

8. Psalters - Ch. 7

9. Strength Within - Things We Speak Of

10. The Trigger Code - No Preparation For Parting

I Am Thankful

2010-11-27T11:58:00.001-05:00

This year, I am very aware that God is in control and couldn't possibly be more thankful that that is true. I lived with so much uncertainty the first few months of the year and if it was up to me, I probably would have left Cincinnati shortly after Cornerstone to live in Pittsburgh or something. Instead with my exit from Covenant along with my losing the resources to book and promote shows came a new opportunity to get on board with whatever is in store with The 86 Club and 86ministries. The final two shows at Covenant were great! Many friends shared those last days with me and it was apparent to me that God was there too and the Holy Spirit moved in the place. After the exit, I have been blessed with the time to help with the destruction and renovations of the 86. In this time I continued in another transition to working with Walk of Joy exclusively (and leaving SupportCare) along with a paper route. Though these aren't the most ideal job situations, they have allowed me to pay all my bills mostly on time and afford some extra things here and there as well. I am so excited to see what comes in 2011 with the opening of the 86 and Vineyard Uptown who has joined in and will share the ministry space with the 86.

I am also thankful for the new place to live at a very affordable price. Part of the 86 Club building is two apartments. I had asked to live in one and was waiting for the renovations to complete for that to happen when I was asked if I might want to move into a house on Witler Street. I checked the place out and was amazed that it was in such good condition for such a low monthly rent with no lease. I accepted the offer and just after officially moving in, put on my first house show! At this point I have one other house mate and hope in time that a few others will move in as well. I also plan to make the house available when I can for other shows when I'm not involved with one at the 86 Club as well as make the house available for bands needing somewhere to stay during their travels.

I am thankful for the many friends I have in Cincinnati that supported me through the year in prayer and giving correction and advice when I needed it. I have never been happier in a "church" as I have been at the Witler House and love that I now live just two doors down from it. I am very excited about the opportunity to be starting into a new ministry (86ministries.com) with Chris and Monica Human as well as the rest of the crew (Josh, Cindy, Chris, Jon & Becky, and Melissa). There is a vision here that cannot be ignored and so far the blessings of God to make it this far have been amazing and so fun to see as they happen. I am thankful as well for my family and the fact they support what I want to do and feel called to do even if it doesn't make sense to them.

Finally, I am thankful for reconciliation. Life is too short for people to hold things against each other. I don't want to hold on to any anger or bitterness and certainly hope that others don't hold anything against me. I have made a point to reconcile with a few others this past year and hope that forgiveness has come from those I have forgiven.

If there is anything I have learned recently, it is to trust in God to lead. God does a better job than we can ever do on our own. Often times we aren't patient or faithful enough to wait on God to lead or even listen when He does but as I have come to be open to the Truth even more this year, I have also come to experience the joy of following the Holy Spirit's leading.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Three Years in Cincinnati

2010-11-04T21:57:00.001-04:00

It's been just over three years as a resident of Cincinnati and more specifically, Northside. I reflected on my first year anniversary of living here but didn't take the time to do so at the second. I guess partially due to my being busy booking shows at that time with Covenant, working full time with SupportCare and trying to manage a way to step down to part time if I could swing getting financial support from Covenant or something.

I guess I decided to write at this time to share the exciting journey through life that God has given me this past year which surpasses anything that happened the previous years.

Ever since moving here I desired a more significant role at Covenant but never was too sure what that meant. After that first year was completed, Covenant moved into a new building providing an opportunity to embrace something I felt that Lord had placed in me so I brought it up to Abe (pastor of Covenant). I was serving with him and his wife Joni at Covenant. Covenant was my reason for even moving to Cincinnati in the first place. I worked for SupportCare because it was the first job I could find that would allow me to go through the open door. I found a small apartment on the corner of Hamilton and Chase that was suitable though a bit cramped.

Around the same time as Covenant was blessed with a larger building to occupy, I along with my friend Chris Human went to Unified Underground where I felt compelled to be involved in some way in the local underground music scene...personally I felt most drawn to the punk subculture but in Cincinnati its rather small.. It seemed from the conversation with Abe that this was something Covenant would also like to embrace so I began seeking the opportunities to do so. It took until January 2009 for the first of what would be many opportunities to book and manage a show. That opportunity came with a good friend from my days in Mansfield, Jonathan Hape. That first show was an enjoyable though low key event lasting little more than an hour and a half but laid the ground work of what was to come. The next opportunity came in early April where I used the room designated for shows though this was probably more suitable than sanctuary with another northern Ohio friend who now resides in Nashville.

As the year went on I had the privilege of working with many bands and in July at Cornerstone Festival I felt a deeper calling in that I wanted to work with bands who weren't necessarily Christians and whose audience was not necessarily Christians. I began feeling that my place may not be at Covenant and when bringing up the possibility of working outside Christian music to Abe I was prepared to walk away if he did not see the value in this. Abe once again seems to embrace my vision so I continued on doing shows at Covenant. As things progressed and became very busy and more and more responsibility was being required of me at SupportCare, I asked Covenant to provide some financial support so I could dedicate myself to the ministry to the artists and the subculture. Though it wasn't quite what I asked for and took longer to kick in, the support finally came in November. In the meantime I attended the Cincinnati CCDA event where I learned a few things and noticed a focus on racial reconciliation that is very important though I feel even more important would be a focus on changing the culture than making folks feel guilty for being born in white middle class America. The weekend before this I once again went to Unified Underground where God affirmed my calling to work in the musical subcultures and with artists. I got to see a number of friends from bands and other towns and observed other artists I wanted to work with and would in the coming year.

It was also around this time that I found myself involved with the Witler Street house church and community surrounding it. I began to feel more that this was my home church than Covenant as I felt more and more disconnected from Covenant. I wasn't really in the loop as to what was going on there anymore but I continued to pursue my calling booking mostly indie bands though now and then getting the opportunity to work with punk, hardcore, and even goth. In December, I had the privilege to finally put on a show that was without any Christian bands. It went very well, the bands were very respectful of my requests there were in place out of respect for the church facility and the ministries that occur there. It was such a good event that we decided to do a second event in January that went equally as well.

Though the shows were going well and having an amazing impact, My life was headed into a cloud of uncertainty as 2010 began. One of the developmentally disabled individuals I worked with at my now part time job ended up dying in mid January as I was waiting for the financial issues at Covenant to be ironed out with the promise that I would be reimbursed. I was in a pretty rough spot financially. In a meeting with Abe I was told that I would not be receiving support any longer. That night I worked on one of the toughest shows so far. It was a Haiti benefit show that was with punk bands that aren't Christians and though it was a great outreach, they were much less respectful of the requests I had given as before to respect the church facility and ministries that occur there than the previous attempts.

At the meeting that day as Abe left and I began setting things up for the show, I felt I needed to re-evaluate what to do. I told Abe to find another van driver for that Sunday at least and ended up not attending service at Covenant. I was a bit upset by the decision that I would not be supported any longer and felt it better to take time away than to go there with the bitterness I felt and possibly say or do something I could regret. From there I ended up covering some shifts at work that interfered with Sunday services and eventually took on a permanent Sunday shift that would not allow for me to attend Covenant on Sundays. I tried for a while to continue attending Wednesday evening services regularly but in time that became less frequent. In March, I booked the two shows for the month on back to back nights. I had to cancel one of the shows two days prior to it happening due to a scheduling conflict at Covenant which was out of my hands. After dealing with this, I requested a calendar of events which led to another meeting with Abe and this time Joni was there as well. Sadly, this meeting didn't go very well from my perspective. I went into it feeling this was probably going to reveal my time at Covenant would be coming to a close. I was asked what my plans were and I did not have a clear answer. There were two concerts planned for April and so I was told that they would be my last until I could determine my plans from this point. I respected that decision though what was said next was taken hard by me and confirmed the end of my working relationship with Covenant. I was asked if I wanted to continue with Covenant I must find employment that will work around Covenant anytime that they wanted me to be available. I felt this was an unreasonable request. Along with this was a debate on the start time of the last scheduled show. This led to harsh words. I felt I was being reasonable to ask for compromise but it seems Abe and Joni didn't see it that way and so we could not come to an agreement.

I made a few calls and confirmed a few bands to make these final shows the best they could possibly be as well as let a few close friends know that my time with Covenant would be done after April. I was given some good advice and had some good feedback and went on with the plans for these shows.

Both shows were amazing and Spirit filled and had fairly good turnouts. Many friends were at the last one especially which was a night to remember. After the shows I moved all the gear out to my tiny apartment and made one last appearance on a Sunday morning at Covenant to say my goodbye. Things continued to be somewhat strained between Covenant and I but I want to be sure it is known that some reconciliation was made in October that should allow for healing. There were wrongs on both sides and things said that should never have been said. I would say the reasons are because I invested a lot into Covenant as did Abe and Joni and we both cared for the aspects we were part of so the passion led to tempers flaming. No excuses really but it's sadly the way things go with humanity.

In the time since leaving Covenant, The 86 Club (http://86ministries.com) became my passion. I only work 20 hours a week now, mostly on the weekends. This is with Walk of Joy who I joined technically in October. I quit with SupportCare in May due to being frustrated with where the company was heading. I was also doing a paper route by this time every night so I didn't need to continue working all 3 jobs. Things moved forward with the purchase of Top Cats in Clifton and the Humans made The 86 Club a reality so I have spent many weekdays helping with the renovations and at this point the club should open in January 2011. In the meantime we have held a Bible Study called the Connection. I have also continued to be part of the Witler community and as usual went back to Cornerstone.

Part of the plans for the 86 Club include apartments in the building. I had interest in living in one of the apartments and was waiting for this to happen. In August, a house was shown to me on Witler Street just two houses down from "The Witler House" so I checked it out and was blessed to move into the house. The plan for this house is to have a total of 5 guys living in community in the house as well as use the basement for live music. Three shows have happened so far: Deadhorse with locals twice and a hardcore show. So far it seems these shows are going well.

What does this mean?

I definitely feel that I am to minister in the music scene. I will use this house to do it by providing space for bands to stay if they need it and hosting house shows in the basement when I'm not working with the 86 Club. Once things get somewhat organized in the house after the move I will submit the house to RYFO to join the network and become available to those traveling artists needing hospitality. I will be helping in all ways possible at the 86 Club in whatever ways they chose to put me to use. Besides the live concert venue and the Connection Bible Study, there is plans for studios, practice spaces, and hostels for bands to use and plans to be open during the week for folks to come in for coffee or to relax. Basically, There is a ton of potential with this club and ministry that I will plug into in whatever ways I can and they need me to. The Vineyard church is also going to be meeting at the 86 Club location so I will see if there is a place to minister alongside the Vineyard. I felt in the midst of the chaos that clouded much of the beginning of this year I wasn't sure I was going to stay in Cincinnati but it seems God has purpose for me here and I will continue doing whatever it takes to follow whatever God is leading me to do. Cincinnati is home for the now. God is good and this year has been a blessing even as crazy as it seemed.

Can You Help Get 86ministries Started?

2010-07-20T16:32:00.003-04:00

Some of you may remember back in April I had sent out several emails regarding a new ministry and concert venue that I was quite excited about and excited to be part of called 86ministries. The last email I sent was regarding the purchase of the building. 86ministries has not entirely secured the purchase of the building yet. $10,000 was put down with an agreement to come up with another $40,000 by July 17th and in the meantime we would begin to prepare the building for our purposes. In the time since, we were able with the help of volunteers to clean out the entire building of trash and remove some walls that were water damaged. From the time we came in until now, the building has undergone a huge improvement but we had an urgent financial hurdle to overcome; the $50,000 down payment for the building was due by July 17th. As of last week, we had secured $36,500 of the $50,000 required, leaving a balance of $13,500 to be raised.

Many of you joined us in prayer for this need to be met by July 17th.

Well, God answered our prayers...but not exactly how we expected. Due to the sellers not having the land contract completed and submitted to us for legal counsel to review, an extension had to be filed so we now have a new due date of 7/26. We thank God for miraculously providing us with more time to raise the balance due.

I know many of you are like me and don't have a lot of extra cash sitting around. First and foremost, we believe in the goodness of God and that God wouldn't give this vision and bless us with the means to get this far without following through to the end as long as we are also faithful to follow God's leading. Prayers are important and it would be awesome if you could join with us in prayer that God will provide as is promised in Scripture. Anything that anyone can give will help tremendously so if you are able to help us out in anyway, Please contact Chris Human at #513.368.6554 orchris@86ministries.com . If you happen to be or know any of the following that are local to Cincinnati please contact Chris as well.

Are you a business owner?
Are you friends with a business owner?

Do you regularly support a local business?

Would you consider providing us with the names of business owners that we might approach regarding advertising or sponsorship? The 86 club is located just one block from University of Cincinnati's campus with 38,000 students who could be exposed to their brand. Additionally, we would love to speak with anyone who sees the benefit in the mission of 86 Ministries. 86 Ministries is impacting community and culture through positive alternatives for students and young adults. Together, with your help, we can make a difference. Please contact Chris at #513.368.6554 orchris@86ministries.com .

Do you have 2 friends that you would forward this message to?

Thank you for your support and prayers, again I know that many of you receiving this from me don't have this kind of money sitting around but I appreciate you reading this and believe that in a week there will be rejoicing to be shared with all of you as we move forward!

Joel Swanson

86ministries Acquired Top Cats

2010-04-18T16:50:00.000-04:00

We are THRILLED to be able to share with you that we have signed the contract for the building on Vine Street in Clifton! God has done miraculous things to bring us to this point...and it's only just begun!

THANK YOU to everyone who contributed so far to help make this possible. We couldn't have done it without you!

People are already asking us..."How can I help?". There are several ways that you can make a difference....
1. Tell people about 86 Ministries by fowarding this message, mentioning our website and spreading the word about what we're doing. Encourage people to sign up for our e-newsletter. You can easily forward this message by clicking the "forward email" link at the bottom of this message.
2. One IMMEDIATE NEED we have is for $1,100 by this Monday, 4/19, towards our deposit. Beyond Monday, there are additional funds to be raised to help cover inspections, closing costs, building renovations, etc. Tax-deductible dontations of any amount can be made online at:
https://secure.pledgeconnect.com/donation.aspx?86ministries
3. Another IMMEDIATE NEED is for a commercial building inspection and appraisal. If you know of anyone that might be interested and able to provide these services and have a heart to help our ministry, please contact us ASAP!
4. Once the inspections are complete, we will be having work days to clean and organize the building. There is a LOT of work to be done and we would love your help. Just shoot us an email (info@86ministries.com) if you would like to be a part of the clean-up process and we will keep you the loop.
5. Once the building is cleaned up, we will be holding an OPEN HOUSE for you and your friends to come in and check the place out!
6. We are working on setting up our Twitter account and Facebook Fan page. These will enable us to connect with even more people. Details coming soon.

We are so excited for the great things...GOD things...that lie ahead. Together, we will provide hope and acceptance for the rejected and neglected and we will impact Corryville with the love of Jesus.

God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly beyond that which
we can think or imagine.
Ephesians 3:20
Future Home of 86 Ministries

Sincerely,

Chris & Monica Human, Founders
86 Ministries
chris@86ministries.com
monica@86ministries.com

Sign Up for the 86ministries Newsletter

2010-04-14T01:18:00.000-04:00

If you'd like to find out more about what's going on with 86ministries you should go to http://86ministries.com and sign up for the e-newsletter where you'd receive regular updates. If you haven't already, please consider donating to the purchase of a building. It would mean so much!

Help 86ministries Through Online Donation!

2010-04-08T19:40:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone,

Many people have asked about the possibility of being able to give to 86
Ministries online monthly. Our online giving is now up and running. With
this tool you can give a one time gift or set it up for a recurring gift to
come out of your account automatically at the interval of your choice
(weekly, biweekly, monthly, etc). 86 Ministries is an established 501c3
organization and these gifts are tax deductible.

The link is:
https://secure.pledgeconnect.com/86ministries

If you are not one of the ones who have asked, I apologize for the email.
However, it would be great if you would consider giving to 86 Ministries on
an ongoing basis. There are great things coming!!!

Please forward this to anyone you think might be interested.

Thank you,
Chris Human

Update from 86ministries.com

2010-04-04T17:01:00.000-04:00

I received this email today so I wanted to send it along to whoever might be interested that didn't already get it. I apologize to those who already got the message and I am cluttering your email but this is important stuff as far as I am concerned and it needs to get to as many people as it can!

If you can help out the cause in anyway, go to http://86ministries.com.

Joel

Hey guys,

So many people have been asking for an update of what is going on with the opportunity with the building.

We are still pressing on towards the attempt to purchase the building. Approximately $7,000 came in donations over the last week.

Also, we have had many people express interest in giving to the ministry on a monthly basis. This is exactly what we will need if the purchase happens to make the ministry work long term. We should have the online giving portal up and running this week. We will email everyone when that happens.

We have 3 possible options for purchase of the property:

1. Getting a conventional mortgage loan from a bank to purchase the property. (most desirable, and most unlikelydue to the state of the lending market)

2. Getting a personal loan from an individual to purchase the property.

3. Getting a personal loan from an individual for the down payment, so that the owners will finance the purchase themselves.

3 things currently in the works, that could use prayer.

1. My brother as it turns out is friends with a CFO of a division of 5/3 bank. My brother spoke to him about what we are doing. He made some calls and the people he spoke with within 5/3 bank said they would like to help us. So, Thursday I had a meeting with a representative from 5/3 bank and he is now shopping our opportunity around inside of 5/3 to see if he can get support to give us a commercial mortgage loan. This is ideal by far of all situations if we could get a conventional mortgage loan from 5/3 bank up front. This is also by far unfortunately possibly the most unlikely of the 3 scenarios

2. We have contacted an individual of great means who has expressed interest in helping financially with our ministry in the past. He and his wife are praying and considering loaning us the full $225,000 for the purchase of the building.

3. A member of a band that used to play at The Underground spoke to his parents, and they are considering loaning us $25,000 to get us up to the amount needed to do a down payment with the owners of the property so that they will do the financing themselves.

While all of this is going on, there are 3 other groups interested in the property and trying to pull resources together tomake the purchase.

So, there is great opportunity for this to happen.

All of the above could use a great deal of prayer.

Peace,
Chris and Monica

URGENT and Important information about an Exciting Opportunity

2010-03-25T17:10:00.002-04:00

Monica and I have an urgent and exciting opportunity to share with you. We would much rather share this information in person, but due to the time-sensitive nature, that was not an option.

Will you please take a couple minutes to read the attached letter?

If you have any questions, we would love to talk with or meet with you.

Feel free to post this, forward this and share this with friends or individuals you think might be interested.

We appreciate YOU!
Chris & Monica Human

The attached letter is on the homepage of the new website:

http://86ministries.com/

It would mean the world to a lot of people if you can help out!

Joel

The Last Hope & The Skies Revolt Need Help!

2010-01-25T15:40:00.000-05:00

In regards to the show scheduled on Saturday January 23rd at Covenant:

For anyone that came out or thought about coming to this show last night I want to apologize that it wasn't as advertising. I received word while Set Sights Forward was getting ready to play from the guys on the road (The Last Hope and The Skies Revolt) that their vehicle had broken down in Lebanon, Indiana and they would not be able to make it. As of 11am they were still stranded in Lebanon, Indiana looking for help from someone that might be handy with diesel vehicles.

If you happen to be one of these handy folks and interested in helping out some good guys their myspaces are:

The Last Hope
http://myspace.com/thelasthope

The Skies Revolt
http://myspace.com/theskiesrevolt

I assume if they have access to post they are stuck then they have access to receive inquiries from anyone willing and able to help.

I hope to be able to book both bands in the near future but that will be determined once they get their transportation problems solved, return to their respective homes and regroup.

Invisible?

2010-01-17T20:12:00.003-05:00

Tonight I had planned to have friends together to watch the Cornerstone 2009 video project I had put together. It seemed the one from last year was enjoyed by most and so I thought the same would be the case with this one. So far, it seems people have had busier lives or something so viewing as a group has not happened yet. I have watched it once to make sure it worked properly but no one else has gotten to see it so far...maybe no one else cares to see it.

I had planned the viewing event with a friend who seems quite excited about seeing it so a date was set based on coinciding schedules and the word was sent out to others in our common circle of friends in hopes a good number would come together to enjoy the time and watch the video. A few days ago, prior to the planned viewing, I found out that same friend would be out of town and at the time of viewing no one else showed up either. Some other folks were out of town and others were busy with other things while many just didn't come. Some had excuses and others did not.

This seems to be a common theme with the things I try to organize. I don't organize events to bring glory to myself but because I enjoy the company of my friends. I organize concerts because I love the music, I love the artists, and I want to spend time with my friends in that setting. So far, very few of my friends have bothered to attend the concerts I have organized. I understand this is probably somewhat due to my taste in music hitting certain extremes that others I know don't care for but many of the shows I have put together fell within the confines of a pretty general listening audience. So where are my friends on those nights? I suppose one reason some folks might not come out to the shows is due to our location being in a "scary" neighborhood (personally I find that to be a very lame excuse...no offense but that's how I feel). I guess people are busy living their lives. Shows on weeknights probably are hard for many of my friends. I don't expect as many to come out on weeknights but I have to do these shows based on the availability of the bands touring about half the shows I have organized were on weeknights. Many of my friends do say they are coming out to these events but never do. So where are my friends?

I go to a lot of events on my own because I enjoy them. I know at most events, I will at least know someone else there. I go to a lot of events friends of mine are responsible for organizing but so far this is not reciprocated by their attendance at mine. I don't write to whine and complain. I don't feel I am so important that people should drop what they are doing to pay attention to whatever it is I have my hands in. I write this because I am frustrated by the feeling that I mean very little to most folks around me most of the time unless they want my help or want people to come to something they are doing. I am always willing to help my friends and I want to support the things they are doing. I don't expect all my friends to be available at all times. That would be ridiculous. I just wish they would be available some of the time. So far, its been very, very rare. I suppose I could just stop involving myself in the events of my friends and keep myself busy with other things but I don't want to. I enjoy being a part of the group of people I have considered to me my friends. Maybe it's a one way road but nonetheless I consider them my friends. I enjoy supporting their endeavors or helping them when they need it so I won't stop being there for them. It's not that they aren't there for me but times like this makes it feel they aren't there often if ever. As I read this back I feel like I am coming off as selfish so I probably should just delete it but at the same time I want to do my best to be open and honest and maybe this is the place it will happen until I can be better at it in person.

These feelings I am sure will pass on as soon as the trials of life end up back in the normal state of less stress and frustration but right now I feel this way so I figured I would be honest and write it out so I won't delete it and I will continue until I can get it out of my system (warning this could get long if its not already).

I suppose many of those I call my friends are busy being husbands or wives or parents or students or working at whatever profession they have chosen. I guess when you are a single late 20s guy whose job hours end in the morning or early afternoon there is possibly a bit too much empty time for me to occasionally dwell on the loneliness my life can bring. Overall, I have enjoyed my solitude. I am amongst people when I choose to be and if I want to be alone I can be. It can serve me well I guess but I feel quite invisible to many people around me that I care about. There is a reoccurring feeling that it wouldn't matter much if I was here or not (not in the suicidal way). I could move to a new place amongst strangers and feel the same way I do at this moment amongst these friends. I don't necessarily think it's anything they are overtly doing or if they even realize how I feel. I'm not the type that openly expresses things like this often (though I am right now in this way because its all I can do...right now anyway).

I guess I am looking for a closeness I'm not currently experiencing but not sure how to express it properly. I want to have people to go out and enjoy an evening with when I'm not going to a show or putting on a show. I want people I can call or stop by and visit without feeling like I might be intruding on their private space or personal time. I miss the friends I had that were like that when I a late teenager/early 20s graduating high school, entering college, and in college. Maybe I just haven't grown up yet because I am doing a lot of the same things I did then. I enjoy the life I live, I guess it doesn't have the stability I would need to settle down into anything else than what I do but nonetheless, I enjoy this life. I have other friends who seem to be living in similar ways as I do, maybe I just need to make myself more available to them and they will do the same...

I seem have a closer relationship now with some people in my life where there is a long physical distance and that's a great things but at this particular moment and others in recent memory feel very distant to some of those near me. I guess the question is, am I pushing people away or not embracing the relationships that are there? Is it something I am doing that I don't realize? What can be done to change the current course to end these feelings? Is it even something that matters or will it go away when the stresses of this last week are resolved? (if I had the answer I wouldn't have typed this out in this cold church waiting with hopes someone might show up to watch the Cornerstone video).

On The Work of Rock Show Booking, Presenting, & Promoting.

2009-06-25T23:45:00.000-04:00

Much of 2009 has found me working with various musical artists to host shows in Cincinnati, more specifically in Northside at Covenant. I have had to do a lot of it myself but I put myself in that situation so please don't think I am complaining.

So why would I put my time, money, and energy into something like this?

This week the reason came to show itself much as it did the first show. I have a vision to build community with the artists and the people who enjoy the live music experience and since the first show in January with Jonathan Hape (who has played with us three times already) I have been doing that. I knew Jonathan Hape when I lived in Mansfield. We met at CD Jungle where I wore my Tooth & Nail jacket and I may have gone in there to try to sell a DvD I no longer wanted but Jonathan and I had a great conversation about the old Tooth & Nail artists that made the label so unique when it began (only a few remain) and from there he informed me he'd be playing a show in Mount Vernon with Discover America. I caught his show and became a fan instantly and so from there I attended a number of his shows in the area over the few years I spent in Mansfield and caught one in Dayton a while back after I had moved to Cincinnati.

After moving to Cincinnati, I honestly wasn't entirely sure what I was really supposed to do but I knew I needed to leave Mansfield and the open door was open to Cincinnati and to Covenant Church with my friends the Brandyberry's. Once Covenant moved into our current location I saw a greater potential for outreach through live music due to the large room with a stage. We had a few concerts (actually most of them before I ended up being a part of Covenant) in the old storefront location but it seemed those were difficult because we had to get everything back in order for the Sunday Service and there just was not much room to maneuver. I am still working out the details of how this will all work in the long run (details like proper funding, keeping the sound equipment in good condition and acquiring all the pieces I need to improve the quality, etc) but I feel this is what I am supposed to do and where I am supposed to be. It is a ministry of Covenant and its greater organization still unnamed (Covenant is the church, there is also an after school program, a youth program, and a gardening program that are all a part of the organization so we are trying to settle on a name and I think I will keep the "Covenant" name as part of the live music events and the Church will be called Covenant Church still as well). Because it is part of the ministry, there are certain standards of conduct and presentation I feel an obligation to adhere to that I am still trying to establish. I do not know what it means necessarily but what I have felt is that the artists who take our stage should refrain from being profane and vulgar and absolutely should not promote hate in their message through their music. I do not care necessarily if an artist is a Christian but I do not want their message to be contradictory to the ministry of Covenant Church. In recent weeks I have had bands contact me who do not have Christian affiliation to my knowledge so I figure that should I book a show with them at some point then I will make this known to them prior to confirming the show.

It is a lot of hard work to try to get the word out about these events. Working alone at this point I have a limited area where I can get flyers put out in the area. It also can be a bit overwhelming to try to work the door while running the sound. My hope is that soon a few friends will be willing to donate a few hours of their evenings now and then to help me out with things to help the show happen. Maybe in time we can add more things to make these events more enjoyable. In the meantime, if you want concessions please visit one of the nearby convenience shops for your soda or junk food needs.

When I first moved to Cincinnati, I had friends involved with the Underground venue. I also decided to volunteer my services for a short time (the reason for my leaving as well as many others is a long story I don't chose to get into here) at that venue. It was a little more work that I expected but I enjoyed most of the experience. The friends I came away with to add to the friends I had who were already there that I knew before my move are great and I enjoy the times I spent with them. A few of those friends have had a chance to attend a few of the shows I put on at Covenant.

In the last week, we had a couple of shows that were not well attended. Both were shows I would have put on even with the knowledge that there would not be much of a crowd because I enjoy the music that was played. The first show was Jonathan Hape's tour and his third appearance at Covenant. As stated before, Jonathan is a friend of mine and any time he asks us to play that we can have him I will do what I can to make it happen and hope that eventually he will begin to develop a Cincinnati fan base. This time he brought Sing For Company (Mansfield) and The La De Les (Michigan) on the tour and after the show they stayed at Covenant for the night. I tried to take that evening off of work and ended up working all through the day making me a bit stressed and I did not have as much time to get things ready before the show as I would have liked including a meal for the artists (though I ran home and found some fried chicken patties that may have fed a few of the folks). After the evening ended, we all went to Skyline Chili and had a great time of fellowship and conversation together. The next day we also had some fellowship and conversation while we set things back up in the hall for the week and loaded out the artists.

Friday, I had my first ever punk show. I love punk rawk music and I will do more punk shows as long as I can afford to make it happen and we have the space availability to do the show. The bands were The Last Hope, Revolution Radio, and Girlfight. There were only 6 or so that showed up and a local band had to drop off the show at the last minute so it wasn't the most ideal way for things to go but the show was a lot of fun. Afterwards, once again, I took the bands to Skyline Chili (Girlfight decided not to go) and had great fellowship and conversation.

If nothing else comes from hosting concerts, I am grateful for the opportunities to call these artists I have worked with so far and those I will be working with in the future my friends and to have fellowship with them. I really have enjoyed the times of going out after the show to share a meal and conversation with people from places that aren't here and get to know who they are as people, not just an entity on a stage performing. These conversations and fellowship are well worth the costs of putting on the shows and I hope that these friendships grow through future opportunities to share events together and who knows what else. This is why I do what I do.

Death: The Separation, Rest in Peace - Andy Sorensen

2009-03-24T09:21:00.002-04:00

My Uncle Andy died a year ago today though he spent the last two weeks of his life in a coma after his heart stopped on March 9th, 2008. His life was way too short but he certainly had a lifetime of adventures. My family has suffered for the last year dealing with the loss but life has gone on without Andy and most recently my great-Aunt Peryl.

In regards to Andy, we spent the last year learning about Brugada's Syndrome and testing to determine if any of the rest of us might carry the gene. My mother and my Uncle Dan both showed signs of Brugada Syndrome therefore my brother and I were tested along with my cousin Brynne and her children. I did not show anything that looked like I have Brugada Syndrome so I apparently will not be affected by it. My brother and cousin did not appear to have it either. My mom and Uncle Dan were implanted with defibrillators that should restart the heart should any unusual episodes occur that might cause the heart to stop unexpectedly. My grandfather has had some heart issues that we have come to find and has had to visit with doctors and do different things to ensure his life does not end in this unexpected way that we lost Andy.

I guess those are the blessings we bring out of the loss of Andy but it sure would have been nice to not have had these important discoveries come with the sacrifice of a life.

One of my biggest regrets is that I never had a chance to visit with Andy up in Alaska. I suppose I could visit my Aunt Rebecca and their boys Erik & Jacob in Alaska but I don't know when or if that will ever happen. I always did want to go up there but its not like any of the trips I regularly go on where I can be there in a day or less. I would more than likely need to fly there and arrange for a week or so off of work to spend there. With all that I seem to have going on at any given moment it would be something that needs planned out but maybe I will get around to doing so eventually.

I wish I would have had a chance to physically see Andy one last time before he was gone. I think the last time I had spent with Andy was in 2006 in the summer. I was given an unexpected extra few days on my vacation that I took. I first went to Warren before going to Cornerstone then I returned to Warren for the extra few days before coming back to Mansfield to start my new job. In the summer of 2008 I planned for a week to be in Warren to spend time with Andy and his family. I did spend time with his family but due to his passing on I did not spend time with Andy. There were moments that it hit hard the truth of what death is during that time that I was in Warren and that might have made returning to Cincinnati for a few days before leaving for Cornerstone a bit more refreshing that it would have been otherwise but part of me really did not want to leave Warren and my family after that visit.

Death is something that we all eventually deal with, so why is it hard when it happens? In my family, it is hard because it wasn't something we expected to happen in the case of the deaths this past year. As a youngster, I lost my great-grandparents but that didn't affect me in the way the loss of Andy did and the loss of Peryl was different still. The great-grandparents health was such that the end was obviously near for them and in some ways a blessing to know they no longer suffered in the failing physical bodies. Peryl, though advanced in years, died rather unexpectedly and due to my physical distance from my homeland, I don't think it quite has felt real yet. Her husband, my great-uncle Ken has had a very hard time dealing with her death. He has lost someone that has been there with him for over 60 years; no doubt it isn't easy to live on after such a loss. At this point, I have made a habit of visiting Warren two times a year though last year I made a special trip to be there for Andy's memorial service. I did not attend my home church this past December when I visited Warren so I did not see my great-aunt Peryl. The last time I saw her was when I came to Warren in June 2008 and probably the next time I visit Warren for enough time to attend my home church is when it will hit me that I will no longer see Peryl on this side of eternity. That is what happened more or less in June with Andy for me because I did expect to see him then and he wasn't there.

Death is a separation that semi-permanent. It is permanent in that us, the living, no longer can see, touch, or talk to the loved one no longer living. I suppose we can talk to them but they cannot respond in the traditional sense. It is hard because that connection we had before is no longer there and it feels as though a piece is now missing. I know that is how it feels for me since Andy passed on. I did not see him or talk to him that often but I always knew he was out there somewhere and always believed that soon enough we'd be hanging out again up until March 2008. There were some moments in the aftermath were I felt a deep sadness and others where I wasn't too outwardly affected. From the time he fell into the coma my mind was always on Andy. I think about him more now that he is gone than I ever did while he was alive. I think of his example of Christ to this world. I think of how much I respect the person he was and I think about how loved he was by anyone that knew him as well as my family and I. I think about how I hope to have the impact he has but feel that I could never leave such a great legacy if I happen to live longer than his short 48 years. Now I think some of Peryl and her 82 years and the amazing legacy she leaves behind. I think of the love she gave to anyone she met and how loved she was by all that knew her and by my family and I and again feel that I will never have such a great impact on this world that she has had but will do my best to try to be such an example of Christ as she.

After the loss of Andy, I decided to dedicate my art of video to his honor and then with the loss of Peryl decided to make my dedication a bit more general in honor of all in my family that has passed on and even to those still in this earthly life.

One thing about death as a believer and follower of Christ is the understanding this life is not all there is. We believe death is not the end but a transitioning from one life into glory. How does all that work out? Since I am not dead I cannot say with certainty and since I have not been granted the vision into the otherside to my knowledge I do not believe I have an answer to this question. I do not know if the moment we take our last breath of earthly air that we are transformed into glorious bodies and pass through the gates of heaven (there is a much less glorious alternative as well but I don't desire to get into that at this point) or if we have a time of spiritual slumber until the end of all time by our measurement on earth when, depending on your interpretation, the Lord will finish things one way or another and redeem the earth into a new earth with a new heaven and the dead will be resurrected and the faithful living and faithful dead will join together in an eternal paradise. What I do have faith in with all the certainty that is humanly possible is that death is absolutely not the end and the separation is not permanent, eternally speaking. With that belief I firmly expect to be with Andy and Peryl on the otherside in glory.

In this modern age, life is expected to last somewhere in the neighborhood of 80 years. For Andy to have died at 48 took us completely by surprise. No one knew there was any history of heart complications in the Sorensen family. Andy was a man of good health. He was very active, hunting, fishing, nature photography, something of a stay at home dad, etc. He was out and about the day he had the cardiac episode brought on by Brugada Syndrome and there was nothing to indicate he'd not see the light of another day. Even after he was brought back by the paramedics, there was a belief he should bounce back from this and be fine. None of us wanted to believe this was the end. It was a few days before the grim reality started to become clear that we'd no longer have the Andy Sorensen we knew all our lives. It was brought to my attention he had suffered severe brain damage and I thought of the population of MRDD folks I work with and absolutely could not believe that would be the state of my Uncle not because there is anything that disgusts me about the folks I work with but I could not believe my Uncle would not longer be free to do anything as he had always been. Due to my history of working with these folks I wondered if I'd maybe have to assist my Uncle with his living? It was a thought that crossed my mind more than once should he come out of the coma and have such damage as seemed to be the indication from the medical experts. He had gone far too long without oxygen that all higher functioning of his brain had been damaged. It wasn't long that we began to realize that he was not going to pull through and he was being kept alive by machines. When the plug was pulled I understand he did not survive very long afterwards which I personally felt was a sign that he was meant to pass on after all this. There was very little struggle to cling to life as I understand it. I wondered what would we do had he tried to hold on after the plug had been pulled?

The decision to pull the plug was thankfully not in my hands. I am not sure that I would want to make that decision. For myself, should I ever come to have an incident that leaves me in a state where I am kept alive by machines, I want the plug pulled, though if my body is not ready to go and fights valiantly to cling to life you may want to consider hooking me back up to see what happens. The decision to pull the plug I am sure was a difficult one for my aunt Rebecca to make and I understand she wished for agreement from both my uncle Steve and Grandpa who were there at the bedside. I am grateful once the decision was made that Andy passed quickly so there was little if any second guessing that the right decision was made. Of course it wasn't any easier just because he passed rather quickly. No one wants to lose someone they love, no matter the situation and no one wants to hold the fate of another life in their hands...not like this.

Even with our modern advances that have helped humans to have longer lives and to the belief of some, a better quality of living, unexpected death does come along as has been the case in the last year for my family. Sometimes it is due to poor personal choices to indulge in drug use or alcohol or promiscuous sex and sometimes other peoples poor decisions bring the unexpected end to another life. In my current cultural setting, it seems to come to many. In the urban setting I have heard it said amongst the children in the community surrounding Covenant (the Church I am part of) is they fear growing older due to the fact they are exposed to many teenagers who die much too young due to violence. It would be nice to believe that our civilization has advanced beyond the violent ways of the past but it has not. Countries go to war over things that could be dealt with if there was such a thing as diplomacy. People groups decide to kill others for their lands or the things they own. Some kill over skin colors or heritage or class. These things should not be. These differences should not warrant violence or death. Children should not be afraid to advance beyond their teenage years. One watches a movie like Gangs of New York and says something about what a savage time that much have been 150 years ago or so but how much different are times now? I'd say they aren't much different when you really look at it. Groups continue to fight over territories that have no eternal value but sometimes it looks a bit more civilized to those who aren't in the midst of it (and even sometimes to those in the midst of it). They fight over differences and grudges of an offense that will not matter in the grand scheme of life (a sidenote: I hope to settle and make peace with anyone who I ever offended because of the fact we are never guaranteed another day. I have been doing my part to right the wrongs I have committed against those my path has crossed but if there is anyone out there I have not yet apologized to and reached out in peaceful reconciliation please contact me and we can settle the differences in love and forgive each other our trespasses). Everyday families suffer unexpected loss but unlike my family they suffer because of these things that should never have taken the lives of the loved ones.

My family suffers because of a genetic defect that took our loved one unexpectedly. It could have been prevented had we known about it but we did not. Could Andy have been saved? Yes, but there is a number of variables that would have had to have been switched and then we might have Andy with us today but there is no way of fixing the past. You just have to try to take the best out of the life you are given and try to learn from the things that aren't so great. As hard as it has been, I believe my family and I have been doing this over this past year and by the grace of God we will continue to do so the rest of our days however long or short they might be. Yes, it remains hard. The one year anniversary brings about the memories of our loss but we have to continue to live our lives in honor of our beloved Andy.

As I grow older I expect to become more and more familiar with death, after all, as we live each day we each move closer to our respective end. As true as that might be, it really is not something I am ready to embrace as a norm in my life. I suppose time will tell how it will affect me as it occurs again and again around me and i expect it will bring about sadness each time but I hope to also be able to rejoice in the fullness of each life lived and not just celebrate the life lived but the hopeful passing into a glorious eternity as well. I hope that all my loved ones will have a committed faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and are faithful followers/believers. Those around me grow older and that is evident by the health complications that become more noticeable in some as they advance through the years. I hope that the deaths that will plague the loved ones in my life will be peaceful passings but I hope that they are not unexpected deaths as have happened this past year but if they have to be I hope each loved one is blessed with a long fulfilled existence.

Andy Sorensen has been on the otherside for a year now and still he is deeply missed by my family and I. We love him and eagerly anticipate being with him again one day. Until then, Andy, rest peacefully in the love of your family and your Father.

Andy Sorensen Memorial Film Playlist

http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=B1EDD4C605EC9E52

Peryl Sorensen Memorial Film

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3wK88Vmkls

VIDEO: Answering Questions About Faith & Life (Parts 1-3)

2009-03-05T13:04:00.000-05:00

This is a series of films where I answered some questions about my faith & life and how they mesh.

Part I:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkUY2peGOLw

Part II

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcfH0RXmaPA

Part III

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6UjZV-monE

RIP Peryl Mae Sorensen

2009-03-03T12:15:00.001-05:00

This is a film where I tlk about the life & death of Peryl Sorensen, my great aunt. I used a song and some pictures from a video that my cousin Taylor put together in her honor:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3wK88Vmkls

Go here to see Taylor's much better video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FpaittsHMo

Tonight Was The Vote That Could Adversely Affect Covenant's Ministry

2009-02-20T22:35:00.002-05:00

This is from the weekly prayer updates that Pastor Abe sends out by email:

Sorry for the delay in updating about last's weeks zoning board meeting. For those that did not know, the City of Cincinnati is trying to change the zoneing laws in the city that would result in making it difficult or impossible for some churches in the city limits to provide social services. They are wanting to take out of the definition "Religious Assembly" the ability to house offices and programs of social services provided by churches. In this plan a church that wants to provide social services would first have to be within this small section of the city. Second, they would have to go have the city approve any program they would do. This is not just for churches, but any social service agency.

I believe that is infringing on our ability to practice our "religious beliefs" since Jesus told his disciples to love those that are poor or on the fringes of society. The meeting last night was a wonderful sight of the church being unified and standing up for the poor. There were about 200 or more people that showed up in opposition to the changes that this board wants to put into policy. They did not vote, but they are voting tonight and we need to pray that it fails in the zoning board and doesn't got to City Council. If it passes tonight, then the City Council will have to vote for it to go into law. The Church needs to pray. This is just one example of many that we see the work of Christ being challenged by the world. This issue is minor and no matter what happens, the church is not a building or a program and we will continue to love our neighbors and make disciples. I believe that we are going to see a day in the American Church where we will face a lot more persecution, and the Church will need to be united, and in love with our Savior, unwilling to give up the work for His Kingdom!

In Christ,

Abe

I Am Romantically Awkward & Here Are Examples In My Life So Far To Prove It

2009-02-15T01:54:00.001-05:00

Another Valentines alone...but things could be worse. I spent the evening last night at a show with a few friends, which was pretty cool. This was in the same venue I watched a show last Valentine's Day but I think this time around was a bit more enjoyable...smaller crowd and more laid back.

I think I had a significant other on one Valentine's Day. I am pretty sure I was trying to watch a hockey game and she wanted to make out and cuddle. I did my best to appear I was playing attention to her while I watched the game on the TV behind her. The entirety of the relationship was pretty much cuddling and making out. This relationship ended in failure, as have all my romantic endeavors.

Will I ever get it right?

Growing up I remember the elementary school crush. Her name was Natalie and I haven't seen or heard from her since fifth or sixth grade. As I recall, an elementary school relationship consisted of a declaration of one liking another and then at recess we'd chase each other around the playground (or in my case the parking lot as our playground was little more than a swing set and teeter totter). I recall at some point she revealed she also liked me and I think I ended up not talking to her for a long time because I didn't know what to do when the liking was reciprocated. I'm afraid that awkwardness has continued to this day to some degree.

I never dated anyone through junior high or high school but my interest was peaked by a few other girls: Sherry & Jeni to name those I remember. My interest was peaked because they were kind toward me. I recall Sherry always said "hi" to me in the hallway between classes & Jeni was always nice to everyone but it struck me personally in a special way at that time. I had no self-esteem at this point. In third grade I got Urkel glasses and felt like I was probably the biggest geek to walk the earth so any nice-ness to me was taken in my mind to be much more than someone being friendly. I never revealed my feelings toward Sherry. She disappeared from my life as well and I don't know what ever happened to her. In the case of Jeni, a friend of mine wrote a love note to her and she (as she should have) informed me she was interested in friendship but didn't think a relationship beyond that would be a good idea since we didn't really know each other well enough. I was relayed this information through a mutual friend and I played off the note as something that meant nothing...at least that's what I tried to do but I don't know how convincing I was. I doubt I had perfected the aloofness at that point.

Alaina came along after high school whilst we attended the same community college. We grew up together but never really had any interest in each other prior to this...I don't think. I know I didn't have any feelings toward Alaina. How it all came together is a bit foggy but it was during the era where I started using the Internet quite frequently. She revealed she was interested in me in one of those surveys that go around much like they do on myspace or facebook today. Somewhat like when I was in elementary school I was a bit unsure how to respond and I think I took a few days to do so and we did hook up eventually but the entire relationship was awkward for me and it probably was a mistake. I only say that because I wasn't in it for the right reasons.

I hold nothing against Alaina regardless of how things went and I am certainly glad we were able to finally move beyond the pain to become friends again. We started out just holding hands and watching movies. We pretty much always watched movies. I wasn't sure how to go about making the first move and she ended up doing that most of the time. We didn't kiss until about 2 or 3 months into the relationship and that was because she was upset we hadn't so I eventually felt like I better kiss her which of course then led to watching movies and making out for the rest of the relationship.

Things fell apart when she wanted more than I could give and I had to draw the line. She was ready for marriage and children and settling down. I was 19 and wanting nothing more than to leave my hometown of Warren, PA. I had begun to consider ministry as my calling so she wanted to be a pastor's wife (I must say that is always weird to me when girls made the statement they want to be a pastor's wife and I have heard it several times) and my eyes were set toward ENC, a college in Boston but the funds weren't there so I planned to return to community college. We ended things at Creation music festival, which I still feel horrible about (though I did try to end it before we left but that wasn't acceptable). I tried to be a leader in our little group at the festival but the breakup and whatnot kind of put a damper on the event as a whole and things didn't work out and I wanted.

We didn't exactly handle breaking up well and we weren't good at being friends. I said a lot of things about her and toward her that were hurtful and she did the same. Oddly, even though it wasn't a relationship I particularly cared about being a part of if I am honest about it and I wanted to end it, I was a bit upset at the emptiness she filled that was now painfully obvious. She was a body in a place where there wasn't before and it was nice to have her around but I see now how selfish that was and unfair to her.

After Alaina there were a few girls that would peak my interest at the community college and around Warren, PA. One girl hung around with me and my crew we called JoJo. She was a great girl and a lot of fun but she wasn't interested in me and that was pretty apparent early on I think and she ended up with my friend Nate. I was fine with that though I messed with Nate a little for fun. At community college, a girl that was in one of my classes ended up sitting next to me at graduation. We talked most of the ceremony and I came to wish I had talked to her prior to this but we wouldn't be seeing each other again. Right after graduation I was heading to Pittsburgh for a baseball game and after that I'd begin my summer job and head off to Ohio where I could afford to go to college (I still wanted to go to Boston though).

At Mount Vernon I was determined to change the course that I was on and figured it was a start to a new life. There were new people to become friends with and maybe someone to be in a relationship with. I was quite frustrated in the first month or so as I couldn't seem to find the courage to interact with the girls that were intriguing...at least not in a way that produced results I was looking for. I did find some great friends though and many of them are still great friends.

Along came Debbie after about a month and knocked me off my feet and into a dangerous spiral. My tunnel vision created to her be perfect and she became my god for over a year. Debbie didn't express her interest directly to me as Alaina did but I could tell and was eventually told by a friend. My confidence was high knowing she wanted to be with me and there was no risk of rejection, much like with Alaina but that's about the end of the similarities. I tried not to let things get out of hand but they did as we had quite the lust filled affair I believed to be love. It seemed every three months Debbie's uncertainly surfaced and we probably should have called it quits but I apparently said the right and did the right things to convince her this was a good thing we had going on and we continued for 11 months.

Much like me when I was 19, Debbie wasn't ready to settle down and she ended up messing around with another guy so we ended right when I was about ready to ask her to marry me. We said and did some awful things toward each other in year or so following.

That dangerous spiral I started on when we hooked up continued for several more months and I dealt with depression and suicidal tendencies as I tried to figure out a life without her and come to understand the meaning of it all. Eventually I refocused my faith on God, the true God, and got my life under control somewhat. Debbie and I patched things up not long ago and she and I can interact as friends. I let her go right around the time of her wedding and on that day I did not feel any of the animosity that had plagued me on and off since her departure from my life.

Now and then I think about what we had and even though it was all ill advised there were parts I truly miss and hope to experience in the right setting again someday but as for Debbie and I, we are better people not joined by romance.

Surrounding both Alaina and Debbie was one girl I hadn't mentioned up to this point. Laura. I met her surrounding a mission trip to Mexico. I still can't put my finger on it but there was something special about her but I never made a move. My original excuse was that she lived an hour away from me (lame, I know). One day my friend Joe and I decided to take my dad's truck and visited her not even knowing how to get to her house. I learned on that day I have a knack for finding unknown places with little more help than a road map. She lived on Moon Road in St. Mary's, PA and so I drove until I found Earth Road and figured Moon shouldn't be far off and I was right. I pulled up front and asked her dad if she was home and she was. That was pretty cool and probably the craziest thing I ever did to spend time with a girl. I recall her asking me to attend a dance with her but I declined for no good reason and regret that still. We talked on the phone now and then and communicated through email. I was always captivated by her but never expressed this to her. It seems everyone else know I was crazy about her. She probably did to but I never had the courage to make a move.

When I hooked up with Alaina, I tried to figure out if Laura felt the same way I did but I made a bit of a mistake. At that time there was this instant message service called ICQ (I don't know if anyone still uses this or not) and I decided that I should ask her by sending her a message but it turned out I sent that message to Alaina. I did my best to cover up this mistake but I don't think I was very convincing.

After Alaina and I broke up, I would spend time with Laura whenever I could but never made a move because I knew I'd be leaving soon for some distant college. Though the one hour drive wasn't a big issue anymore I was expecting to be in Boston and that distance seemed too much. I ended up in Ohio and every time I came home I made plans to see Laura and did so.

Debbie and I hooked up over one of my winter breaks. I was in Warren, PA for Christmas and New Years and Laura came up to the New Year's party. I again wondered if maybe I should find out if Laura felt the same way I did but I didn't attempt to find out by any instant message system or anything. I spent the New Year's party thinking mostly of Debbie and overcame the temptation to try to do anything to find out if there was a chance with Laura but I would continue to visit her any chance I got which was upsetting to Debbie. I was a bit of an idiot and didn't realize this as obvious as it should have been to me.

Debbie and I broke up just before Thanksgiving break and this was when Laura and I ended up getting rather close. We went to a movie and held hands and what not and I stayed at her house and we fell asleep on the couch. Nate made this trip to see her with me. When I came back home over winter break she kissed me on the cheek on New Years. We had spent several overnights hanging out and I was determined when I saw her again over summer break I would make my move. I was convinced I loved her but just needed to build up the courage to tell her.

Laura ended up meeting a guy and getting seriously involved with him. It killed me to see her with him knowing I missed my opportunity but could I blame her? I had done the same thing to her and if she felt anything like I did it had to have killed her too. We somewhat lost touch over the next year. When I moved back to PA to work in a ministry, Laura came to spend New Year's with me. She never mentioned the old boyfriend but I hated it when people brought up the failed romances to me after the fact so I didn't ever ask. Shortly after this I ended up moving back to Ohio and came to find out he had broken up with her and probably broke her heart. She assumed I knew and I told her I didn't know and didn’t want to bring it up. I of course wondered about whether she was still with him but didn't want to bring it up. I just wanted to enjoy the night.

From that New Year's Day we never saw each other again. She contacted me when she planned to join the military because she needed a reference from me for some reason. Next thing I knew she was getting married. I thought about doing one of those movie style declarations of my love to her before she got married but that never happened. Her husband contacted me after I moved to Cincinnati needing my information for that military reference she needed and I somehow offended him and he went on a tirade about the evil of hippies. I decided at that point I didn't want anything to do with him and thus figure I will probably never see her again. I have moved on and have no desire to pursue Laura anymore even though I regret having never taken the risk of finding out if we both felt the same way.

Back at college in Mount Vernon there were a few post-Debbie girls but things didn't pan out. A few happened to be way cool and nice; I met them in the aftermath of the break up and it wasn't a good idea but I wanted something to happen. A couple made if clear early on they weren't interested and I respected that and we had good friendships without expectation.

There is one particular girl, Emily, who confused me in what she was wanting, if anything, from me. She seemed to reciprocate the interest and this was the first real perceived opportunity since Debbie and I thought we were coming together quite nicely. I was feeling that I should disclose some of the things in my past she probably had a right to know about since honesty is important but before we ever got around to sitting down and talking it out she seemed to change her interest toward someone else and I ended up hibernating for a while getting caught up on my schoolwork that I had let go most of the semester. We really didn't hang out much until the end of the school year and we went our separate ways. We ended up getting together again, so to speak, a few years later and it was more of the same confusing circumstances and ended with her seemingly no longer interested at all. I never could figure her out and decided that it wasn't worth trying to figure out anyway. It was way too complicated for me. I got the feeling she wanted me to be someone slightly different that who I was but I could be wrong...at any rate, if she couldn't like me for who I am then there wasn't any point in going forward.

In the Mansfield area was AshLee. She was a member of Shelby church and it seemed she was interested in me but at that time she was quite young and I didn't want to get into anything like that. Around the time she turned 18 she was seeing someone else. She had an interest in some good music so I made one mix for her after she went on and on about another one I made for all my friends. When she started going to college we began to hang out again (when she was single) over her winter break and she caught my eye in a significant way. I thought things might have been heading in the right direction again yet I was guarded. She and I stopped communicating for some reason. She ended up pregnant and I never pursued after this figuring there was probably someone else involved. Other than that any girl while I was in Mansfield that caught my eye were short lived interests as I would find out they were seeing someone else and I wanted no part of that.

Since being in Cincinnati, I have come to meet a lot of people and found many acquaintances and a good number of friends. The girl situation? I don't even know what to say. There is a defense mechanism I believe I have created since that break up with Debbie. I had opened myself up completely to Debbie and have not really been able to do that for anyone since being hurt so badly. Even though you are my friends I hold you at arms length even though I am trying to be an open book and honest much like a personal hero of mine. I haven't quite figured out how to breakdown this self-created barrier that I use to guard myself from pain. Please believe me when I say I am trying and it will take time. Be patient with me if you can and I will one day let you in as far as you chose to be.

When it comes to becoming friends with people I am more of a wallflower at first and begin talking to one person out of a group who also is generally more reserved and not the center of attention. We end up having our own little conversations and maybe become friends more than acquaintances. I am never the person that will be the center of attention and usually try to avoid it when it’s directed toward me. There has always been the loud person or people in every friend group I am part of that demand attention. I and usually those who become my closer friends (usually more so than the rest of the acquaintances) are fine not being the attention and it seems to work well. As different as we all are we all seem to be friends anyway and I love having friends of all sorts. It's more interesting that way.

In regards to romance I am very awkward. I have found myself to be someone that acts aloof (or distant if ya don't know). I play it cool but I really don't have much self-confidence. I never have taken a risk. I don't really even make much of an effort. I don't know how many times I wish I would yet I don't and I end up coming up quite ticked at myself for not taking a risk or at least making an effort. I really don't like this part of who I am but I don't know how to change it because it is who I am. Any time I have tried to change it I get nervous and revert back to this. How will I ever find a romantic type relationship by being like this?

In writing all this I am not necessarily feeling incomplete or anything. Valentine's day always tends to be one of those days that single people are very aware they are single and I believe even the most content desire to some degree a relationship on a day like this. I usually am quite content. I know the "rocknroll" life I have lived the last 4 or 5 years wouldn't have been possible without the freedom I have had. I don't necessarily want to lose that freedom but it would be nice to have someone who is always there. I know that God is always there and I am totally content with that but I think many understand what I mean that it would be nice to have someone physically there you can depend on to pretty much be there no matter what. Someone to call up and do something with. Maybe it's not that far off...who knows?

One more Valentine's Day gone alone.

The City of Cincinnati has zoning plans that will adversely affect Churches & social services

2009-02-08T18:48:00.001-05:00

This video is from today's service. It regards a plan in Cincinnati that would inhibit our ability to minister to our neighbors throughout the city where we would no longer be permitted to provide social services. We could only come together for worship services in our church buildings within city limits. The Constitution protects the rights of faith based organizations and the separation of Church & State goes both ways. If anyone should be allowed to provide social services it is those involved in the church. Of course it seems the church flourishes all the more when persecuted but we still must stand against injustices such as this.

Your support in this matter is absolutely needed. If you are in the Cincinnati area and can attend the meeting on Tuesday, February 10th at City Hall, Please Do and pray that we can overcome this injustice.

Please watch this video and then read the documents below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1JGBW8-u0s

The freedom to provide life changing programs and social services by non-profits and faith based organizations are in jeopardy. The City of Cincinnati’s Planning Commission will make 32 revisions to the Zoning Code that will limit the number, type and location of non-profit organizations, faith-based groups and churches throughout every neighborhood in the city of Cincinnati. Please mark your calendar and plan to attend a Special Public Meeting on Tuesday February 10, 5:30PM at City Hall to voice your opinion regarding these changes.

At Tuesday’s meeting the Planning Commission will review and listen to public feedback on the 32 proposed revisions to the current Zoning Code. These proposed changes will regulate social services, non-profits, churches and other faith-based group more stringently than any other business, including sexually oriented business in the city of Cincinnati.

One of the many changes if approved, non-profits, churches and other organization will not be able to add new programs, expand or build new structures without the express and written consent of the Director of Planning of the City of Cincinnati. The proposed changes to the Zoning Code are a harmful to those he needs the help the most during one of the most economically difficult times in our nation’s history.

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What Do These Text Amendments Mean To You??

If you are a “Religious Assembly” that currently offers social services or community programs, you will become a “non-conforming use”.

If you are a “Social Service Facility” whose current operations will not meet the requirements of the proposed amendments, you will become a “non-conforming use”.

What is a “non-conforming use”?

May continue exactly “as is”.
Cannot expand building.
Can add services within existing building but only with approval of Hearing Examiner following public hearing.
Depending on location, may be able to substitute use with Hearing Examiner approval following public hearing.
If building is “substantially” destroyed, it cannot rebuild.

What if you decide to relocate your social service facility to another location in the City?

If the use is under 25,000 square feet it must:

Be permitted in the zoning district.
Must meet “service goals” established in text amendments.
Must be operated by nonprofit/charitable organization in Ohio.
You must document that there is not another social service facility within 500’.
You must provide buffer yards.

If the use is over 25,000 square feet it must:

Be permitted in District or approved by the Hearing Examiner as a Conditional Use follow a public hearing.
Must meet “service goals” established in text amendments.
Must be operated by nonprofit/charitable organization in Ohio.
You must document that there is not another social service facility within 1,000’.
Must document that the site is 500’ from any schools, Single Family Residence District or Riverfront/Recreational District.

All social service facilities must supply a “Control Plan” that includes:

Facility description
Management plan
Litter control plan
Security plan
Loitering and noise control plan
Crime prevention plan through environmental design
Point of contact

The “Control Plan” is to be reviewed and approved by the Director of the Department of City Planning and Building.

If ALL of these requirements are met/approved, THEN you can move forward with the project.

Not My Messiah; Not My President

2009-01-20T11:18:00.001-05:00

Upon this Inauguration, as with every other during my 28 years of existence, I will go about my day as if it were any other day. It is a Tuesday and I will work my shift at my job and in the evening I may catch a movie or I might edit some video from one of the five or so film projects I have saved on the hard drive. This will be the sixth Inauguration and the third in which I took part in the electoral process. I never paid attention to this spectacle any other year and other than what I have learned from the news, I won't be paying much attention this year either. I was usually in school and the last time around I missed due to work as I will this year (and had I been given the day off I'd enjoy sleeping in or something else unproductive). I can’t say I had any real desire to see this nor did I have any reason that I would not see it either; it just doesn’t matter much to me (though I find it outrageous that this event will cost nearly $200 million considering that we are led to believe the economy is in extremely dire shape).

In the years through 2004 when I voted I didn’t necessarily take much time to be informed. I was allowed by the law to start voting in 1998. The times that I did vote, I voted Republican because I grew up in a Republican home (if I did not vote Republican is what for whoever my mother was telling me I should vote for). I never really looked at any of the issues and all that seemed to matter to me was abortion and gun rights.

My mom seems rather informed politically but I’m not so sure about my father; he was upset that when I studied under the “Liberal Arts” program at community college, fearful I would become a liberal I suppose. My mom had to explain that the liberal of Liberal Arts was not necessarily of the political nature (of course it seems that the politically liberal mindset was presented to me during my college years but more so at Mount Vernon than community college).

I voted for George Bush in 2000 and any election I voted in prior or after through 2004 I voted generally within the Republican ticket. In 2004 I was a bit more aware of the issues but it seemed that the alternative to Bush was a man who had nothing to say, no plan of action, and whose only quality of note apparently was that he was not Bush. I knew of the existence of Ralph Nader but nothing really beyond that. The decision as I understood it was quite simple to vote yet again for Bush.

After 2004, things seemed to become much less black and white but very gray. It was difficult for me to see much worth in war yet I would not attend the protests because I held nothing against those people who chose (or didn't chose but ended up) in a career in the military. I have friends who choose to join the ranks of the military. I believe those who choose this lifestyle deserve the respect that anyone does even when we do not agree with the cause. The ones that did not choose but felt pressure to join due to economic reasons though deserve other options (and of course if they still choose the military then so be it). I believe that Bush made decisions in regards to the war that were not easy decisions though they may not have been the best choice. Would I want that responsibility? No. One area where I feel Bush was in error was bringing religion into these wars. I believe this was a very dangerous thing to do and may have caused this war to possibly been more deadly and destructive (not that war by nature is not deadly or destructive). I personally, do not like war nor would I want any part of the war. I do not feel that violence, including war, can rid the world of evil since violence in itself seems to be an expression of evil through the destruction and death that comes of it. In saying this, I don’t necessarily see a problem in defending oneself against evil.

Gun ownership has always been a big issue for those like my family. We are hunters and own a number of guns for the purpose of shooting these creatures to eat for dinner (this is true of those in my family...I am not speaking of all hunters...especially not those who kill just for sport and do not use the creature for more than a trophy). Due to this, I have always voted based on the right to continue in this lifestyle. Having since moved to the city where gun violence is an issue, I have come to find myself conflicted. I still believe that the hunters should certainly be allowed to have the rights to gun ownership we have held since the establishment of the United States and the writing of the Constitution with its Bill of Rights. Basically, those who have followed the laws of this land should have that privilege as given in the Bill of Rights (though the wording of that particular article can cause controversy on what exactly the right entails). The gun violence typically comes from those who are not abiding by the laws therefore violating the Bill of Rights anyway and should not have guns. I am not that convinced those of us that are law abiding citizens necessarily need to have guns in the urban setting either. I feel, though with the best intentions to protect oneself, that needless death still may come from law-abiding yet trigger-happy gun owners. So where does that leave me when voting on the gun issue? I think I will probably continue to be one who would defend the articles of the Bill of Rights as they are written, including that regarding the bearing of arms, as I have all along and I would vote against any amendment presented to limit this right.

Abortion and family values are important to me and are issues I consider when voting. The abortion issue is a bit limited though when it comes to my belief in the sanctity of life. Life is sacred from conception to death. Therefore, I oppose abortion and believe that we should do more to support those in the hard situations caused by unwanted pregnancies such as be more open to adoption. Abortion should never be used for the sake of convenience. I do not believe that to be responsible at all. Anyone knows how a pregnancy occurs and if they cannot control their urges that should not give them the right to end a life. I oppose the death penalty. I was in a discussion that could have been much longer with someone once about this. They believe the death penalty is biblically mandated. I suppose if you take the law as written in ancient Hebrews time then it is in fact biblically mandated. Of course those who want to uphold that ancient law should also uphold the entirety of that law and I know for a fact this person has not done so and therefore is guilty and under the death penalty themselves just as I am as well as all humanity (thank God for grace and sending Christ into the world to save it). I oppose the death penalty because Christ showed a better way of forgiveness when he did not stone the adulterous women for her sin when he was without sin. I oppose the death penalty because I do not believe this nation is a Christian nation (though loosely founded on basic biblical principles no longer held close to heart of politicians or lawmakers as a whole) nor do I believe that our human judges are god and cannot carry the responsibility to decide who should live or die. I oppose war as it deals death to not only the evil doers (to coin the popular Bush phrase) but also to the innocent/victims of these other nations we consider evil. Though I oppose the war, I also oppose leaving a country, like Iraq, in a mess after military occupation as I believe would be the case if we were to leave tomorrow nor do I think a timetable needs to be announced for reasons presented by Mr. McCain in his campaign as it would just give the so called evildoers a timetable to plan their evil deeds.

Environmentally, I think that doing everything we can to preserve the world created for our inhabitation and use is important. I have noticed through the last several years that many Christians seem very opposed to the ideas of environmentalist. I cannot say what truth there is in the Al Gore (amongst others) propaganda about Global Warming but regardless of that should we not look for ways to protect this planet? Should we also not look for fuel alternatives for the purpose of not only cutting down on pollution but on dependence on nations that (as McCain would say) don’t like us much? It seems that Christians should be the first to step up in the ideas of environmental conservation, as this seems to be a biblical mandate from the time God created man to care for the earth.

Since 2004, my ideology in these areas became more clear to me and thus my support for one party is no longer possible as neither of the two major parties support all of these concepts. I can say I became somewhat liberal in my desire to see social action taken to help the poor but I do not believe that we should necessarily expect this to be the government’s job. I believe that it is the Christ followers that should absolutely be first to not only call for social action but to take social action. The government is certainly also welcome to take part in this (as they should take part in helping society but the problem with government is it seems to like to take over control then regulate) but I don’t look to them to be the savior. As followers of Christ (who is the Savior) shouldn’t we be the ones to embody Christ in these times?

I remained with my conservative roots in family values and life (though I take it further it seems that the traditional pro life movement has gone) and I believe all life is valued at all ages. I will vote conservatively when it comes to the issue of gun rights because I do not believe voting that way means those bringing violence to the streets are those that this right protects therefore it should not cause a rise in violence…if anything it should cause decline.

I believe I have come to understand what conservative government means a lot more clearly than before. Government should be limited in its power. I believe this because I believe that was the intention of those who founded the United States and were the original writers of the Constitution, after all, those who left Europe to begin a new settlement in America did so to get out from under the oppression of the old government. I believe that currently the government of this nation is much too powerful and is hungry for more.

I did not vote after 2004 until the primary election in the spring of 2008. I did not vote because I was not informed of those candidates and issues on the ballots where I lived in those years. I did my best in 2008 to be informed prior to voting on both the issues and the candidates locally, statewide, and nationally. I found it very difficult to make a decision when it came time to vote for the President this past November. Early on I knew I would not vote Democrat but I also was not that happy with the choice on the Republican ticket (oh why could Ron Paul not have won the nomination and simplified things?). I watched the debates hoping that my mind could be changed but I did not hear a thing from the Presidential candidates that I didn’t hear already in the mudslinging campaign ads (this method bothers me and caused me to not care at all about the 2006 election which I knew the likely outcome anyway). It was in the Vice Presidential campaign I finally heard something that I was hoping to hear. Sarah Palin made several statements about the government stepping aside and letting citizens live their lives. This is what pretty much made me vote in favor of her (not in favor of Mr. McCain). It wasn’t until I went in the booth that I was completely convinced I would vote this way, as there was a conflict within me. I researched all the independents and lesser parties prior to voting and many of them I wrote off rather quickly as it was very apparent I would not vote for them because they were not at all embodying things that I feel are worthy. I came to a decision to either vote Republican or vote Libertarian or Constitutional (Libertarian and Constitutional were essentially the same though one took an official stand on the sanctity of life where the other did not though I suppose it was understood). I agree with these two lesser parties because they support cutting the government back to what it is meant to be. Citizens would again be free from oppressive laws, after all, was that not the original American dream?

I spoke at length with my friend, Ross, (who is much more knowledgeable on politics than I am) about the fact that these particular lesser parties embody my views more so than either major party yet would it be a wasted vote to show my support in such principles. Ross and I felt the same that we like much of what we saw in Sarah Palin (at least more so than many other Republicans and especially McCain). So I voted Republican though part of me did not want to.

In some of my reading lately I have been digesting Jesus For President by Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw (I recommend this book to anyone). In this book, I have read to the section where examples are given of people living out Christ in these days. Despite whoever is president of this nation my allegiance will remain in my Messiah. I no longer pledge my allegiance to America (or its flag) and haven’t done so for quite some time (I actually tend to avoid the National Anthem at sporting events respectfully). I do not write any of this as a call to anarchy; though I have that view to a certain degree I am not trying to be a revolutionary or leader of some sort of movement. I felt the need to write my reasons why it does not matter to me who is taking office of the President. I do not believe it will affect me anyway. Throughout the book of Jesus For President it is made clear that Christ’s followers were not meant to be endorsed by or part of the empire (Rome or America) but to be a peculiar people living in this world but not of it. That is what I am trying to do in my life and in my community amongst my family and friends. I will not actively go out to tear down this establishment necessarily but if my faith in Christ is in conflict with any laws of this land then following those laws will come second to my faith.

At this point Christianity can be lived in America for the most part without persecution. In fact, it is protected by the Bill of Rights along with any other religion one might choose. I do not believe it will always be that way. I know of a situation where the American government has attempted to interfere with the pro life march event that coincides with this year's Martin Luther King and Inauguration festivities (one particular group, Stand True, remains steadfast in their efforts to spread their message that life is a sacred God given gift but their freedom of expression is being restricted and thus the Bill of Rights are not being upheld by a government that has become too powerful). It seems when it is persecuted, true Christian faith comes to life and maybe along with it the miracles that seem lost in this modern society that seems to act as though it doesn't need God. I often wonder if my faith is anywhere near as strong as it needs to be, as it is not tested in the way those persecuted have been (and how much faith is that of a mustard seed?). I do believe though and I do try to live my life for Christ in everything I do. I fail unfortunately much more than I should but I try again and persevere. I live my life by biblical principles and whatever happens in America or the world will not change that. I wish that was the case with all Christians but it seems to be that few are willing to separate from the false security of the empire that has tamed this faith.

So why was I opposed to voting for the Democratic Party and Barack Obama? It has nothing at all to do with race (and I hope if you really read what I wrote so far you would find this to be true). I was opposed Obama because I do not see a real leader in the man though he does speak awfully convincingly (yet I noticed that there are a lot of umms and uhhs when he speaks). The sounds and utterances that become our American English language are great but what matters most to me is action and that is something I have not seen much of from Obama (though I sincerely hope now that he is President he will do good work). I do not believe he can fulfill many of his promises. I have a big problem with his extreme stand when it comes to keeping abortion legal (I do not understand how I can vote for someone with such an extreme view and was a bit thankful he had other positions I disagreed with so I would not feel it was all about a single issue). Voting records fall into what I mean by action meaning more than the words one speaks and though Obama says that no one is for abortion his voting record showed that he (and others) are in fact for abortion to a very dangerous extreme. I disagree with the big government (with its naturally higher taxes) he and Democrats seem to support where we, the citizens, apparently are not able to make decisions for ourselves. In saying all this I did not support McCain either (remember I already wrote that my vote was in favor of Palin). I agreed with his pro life stand but I oppose his appearance of being very war hungry and his support of a big government as well (bailouts of businesses will not solve an economic emergency and only leads to more government involvement in our lives but I suppose I should be grateful for the economic stimulus checks where my tax money is returned to me for me to essentially give it right back to them). If Democrats could be a people of social action without advocating big government (I have been wondering for some time why the rocknroll culture is so enamored with the Democratic Party that advocates big government when rocknroll, specifically the punk subculture, was an antiestablishment movement fueled by anarchist sentiment) and abortion then I would certainly be more likely to want to vote in their favor (for the record some of the local offices that I voted for in 2008 I voted for this type of Democrat).

It is nice that a racial barrier has been broken with the election of President Obama. The young black males in my community have found a renewed sense of hope of becoming something more than a gang member or drug dealer in seeing President Obama take office. This is a hope that is necessary and one that we are glad to see. Many of these kids talk of athletes and rappers as their role models. Unfortunately, there do not appear to be too many good adult male role models that are black in my community.

Some people, it seems, voted based on being part of history of electing someone who isn't an old white guy. As important as breaking that barrier is, I do not believe that race, color, or sex should be the deciding reason to vote for someone. For anyone that did vote based solely on that fact (and I hope that was a small percentage of the population but I know there were at least some) I hope he or she votes on the issues and qualifications at stake in four years with whoever ends up being our choices.

Yesterday was Martin Luther King Day where equality is celebrated and this year there has been a lot of emphasis placed on the Inauguration of President Obama. There are certainly still equality issues to be resolved in America and to many, this election has been a big step in righting some wrongs. Equality is something I believe in but not at the cost of taking rights away from another group of people. Equality comes with freedom for all and unity; not from the oppression of anyone.

I have respect for President Bush. He is a human being that did the things he did because he believed them to be the right things to do. He had many difficult decisions to make and he made them, right or wrong. I wish him well now that he is done. I am sure he is happy to no longer have to deal with the pressure of that office. Unlike President Bush, I do not have unfailing faith in America but in God. America has been a fine empire but it is still an empire, a man-made establishment that cannot last forever.

To President Obama I wish my best and hope his presidency is successful as human success is measured. I hope the fears of politically conservative are unfounded and he does not fulfill the promises he made to the pro-choice community. I hope he does not create the big government it appears he is planning and in the event he does not succeed I hope he does not leave things any messier than they already are. President Obama has his chance now to prove himself worthy of the Presidency and there is a large Democratic majority. I do not think this is the best situation since this form of government should be representative of all (and this is why I hope that parties other than Democrat and Republican will one day have a chance). At the same time, the blame should no longer be placed on the Republicans when problems occur for at least a few years (a side note: since 2006, the Democrat majority Congress did nothing of worth and had such a low approval rating that it seemed quite absurd that people voted in more Democrats).

When Barack Obama was elected it was as if America found its Messiah. It seems many think he will be a savior. Personally I have one Messiah who is embodied within my soul and walked this earth around 2000 years ago (yet lives eternally) to be the example of love that God intended to show the world through the Hebrews who were to follow the God given laws but failed to do so. My Messiah is the Savior of All and the servant of all. My Messiah is bigger than America and bigger than a presidency. It is bigger than the American Dream…a dream that no longer appeals to me if it even exists at all.

This election, for the first time, I did not cast a winning vote. In the coming years, I will continue to vote and do my best to be informed. I will cast votes that reflect my principles and beliefs but no election results, candidate, or issues will change my life.

My allegiance is to a King and Kingdom not of this world therefore my apologies President Obama and President Bush (and Clinton, Bush, and Reagan in my lifetime and the 39 before) but you are no longer my President; you certainly are not my messiah.

A Look Back; A Look Forward

2009-01-01T22:32:00.000-05:00

New Year's Eve 2008

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEXEXjeh29k

As I usually do at the beginning of a new year, I am looking back at what made 2008 the year that it was. Often times I remember mostly a lot of shows that I was either a part of or attended...just trivial things. This year was quite different in having experienced a death in the family that was not only unexpected but very close. It is one thing when a distant relative dies; it is a whole other story when it is your Uncle who though you only see once every year or so, is someone you were close to and anticipated seeing in June but that would never come after a fateful day in March.

Throughout 2008 I filmed a lot of stuff and worked to get better at filming and editing.

Before all that happened though there was the beginning of the year and a party with some old friends in Apple Valley. When I moved to Cincinnati in 2007, I knew that the friends in that area and further north wouldn't be people I would see a whole lot of due to the rising gas prices and the distance so I thought this would be a fun time to see them and it was. I don't know if anything from this day lead to a surprising turn later in the year or not but either way it was an enjoyable way to ring in 2008 and expend some of the fireworks I still had (and still have to use up). On New Year's Day I made the trip back to Cincinnati so I could watch the Winter Classic and got to see the Penguins win. Sometime in the next week or so I began work on the Cornerstone 2007 project because I had a deadline for March to get it done so many of my evenings were devoted to working through all that footage.

In January, I attended a meeting with the Southwestern Ohio District Church Of The Nazarene to ask for further support for the coming year. That meeting proved productive as Covenant was granted support and my friends Abe & Joni could take on a part time salary. Later in the month we did some outreach to the neighborhood with bags of salt and flashlights. I continued working with Covenant all of this year and plan to continue for the foreseeable future. I also continued working with SupportCare with mentally handicapped folks and it was at this time of year that my schedule changed from having to work on Thursday evenings to Sunday & Monday evenings. In general that has worked out pretty well but working second shift is never very convenient.

Throughout January & February I continued to volunteer with the Underground. I debated leaving with my friends on what would be the last day for them but was not sure. All I knew for sure was the demeanor at the place changed drastically once the Human's made a choice to leave it behind and that change did not feel like a good thing to be a part of. The person who would be making the decisions on whatever the new direction might be did not seem to have any idea what that new direction was so at that point I made the decision I would probably leave with the rest. The guy then met with me and gave me a little hope for the future so I considered sticking around. I went to a Flogging Molly show on Valentine's Day. It was an interesting event in its entirety. Flogging Molly played an in-store down the street from my apartment prior to the show later that evening. Earlier in February, I made a drive to Cleveland to see my friends Jon & Mandy of Travelogue do a show on a weekend. I also hung out with other friends like Gregor and Kristina.

It was in March that the year became one that will never be forgotten. We held Yeshua Fest at Covenant which would be the only show of the year. It was intended to be a fundraiser. I finished the Cornerstone project before the deadline I had set. Gregor Reynolds was to come down from Cleveland to record a commentary the same weekend as Autobahn Music Festival. The week leading to this everything seemed ready to make it happen then a blizzard came in. I hoped it would pass through but it did not and buried Ohio under at least a foot of snow in most places. On Saturday, I woke up and waited to see if I would even be able to attend Autobahn due to driving restrictions from the wintry conditions and sure enough shortly after noon the restrictions were lifted so I decided to take the drive not knowing how icy it would be outside of the city. Terrified, I made it to Autobahn and found that the snow emergency remained in effect outside of Hamilton County so I should not have been driving but I did. I saw many cars off the road, some appeared to have been there quite some time and some were semis. The artists from California all had made it to Autobahn but the rest could not make it. A few friends from Columbus made it and were also quite shaken by the conditions. The people at Joe's Java offered us dinner and a place to sleep for the night if we needed it but we decided to leave once the music was over and the trip back wasn't terribly bad though I got in quite late. On Sunday I got up for church to find out that my Uncle Andy had some sort of seizure and was in a coma. For the next two weeks we prayed and hoped for a miracle and at first it seemed that Andy could possibly wake up without too much damage to his health. In the meantime I had a St. Patrick's party with some friends. The day after Easter, Andy passed away.

April began with me attending Andy's funeral and making an unexpected trip to Pennsylvania. This also was when I received an upsetting email from Gregor telling me he did not consider me one of his close friends and therefore did not take me in account when making plans. This was after I asked him to consider my time when we were trying to reschedule the plans to record a commentary for Cornerstone 2007 and he seemingly blew me off after I made some arrangements to make it happen since he would not drive to Cincinnati. I did not expect him to drive to Cincinnati in that blizzard during Autobahn but I guess he didn't care to ever come out. This was rather rude in my opinion and entirely not the time one should say something like that even if it was the truth. I let it go for some time before addressing it again but I don't feel there ever was any resolution so I have decided to put it all behind me since I don't expect to spend that much time with Gregor ever again anyway due mostly to proximity. I turned 28 and was tested to see if I had the same genetic issues the led to my Uncle's death. As it turned out, I did not. April would be the last time I volunteered at the Underground as well. The week after the funeral I decided to help out with a Skillet show that was terribly disorganized. Besides feeling that I did not have much time to commit to the Underground anyway I decided to leave it behind. As time went on I learned other things that really led to the changes there that I did not feel were things I wanted to be part of so overall I have no regrets parting ways with the Underground.

In May, I interviewed to receive my District minister's license and received it again. I was able to meet with Gregor to get the Cornerstone Commentary done as well. It was a bit awkward but it was done. I think he didn't really care about doing it but that doesn't matter anymore anyway. I watched a lot of Stanley Cup hockey as well as the Cincinnati Cyclones win the Kelly Cup. Chas Meinecke came out to a Pirates/Reds baseball game.

In June, I visited my family in Pennsylvania for my Grandparents 60th Wedding Anniversary. I got to see my aunt and cousins from Alaska and this was when I expected to see Andy but due to his dying that was not the case and made the trip home bittersweet. I returned to Cincinnati to see the Jesus For President seminar and to prepare for Cornerstone.

July was Cornerstone. I left later than the group I was camping with so I travelled alone but got there that night. It was probably my favorite Cornerstone experience so far. I was able to film much of it again and my friends seemed excited to see the footage once we returned home.

There wasn't too much that happened in August other than some fireworks at the end of the month downtown to celebrate Labor Day.

September started out with the Pirates in town again to play the Reds. There was also a Celtic festival, Oktoberfest, and Midpoint Music Festival. In the midst of all this a hurricane hit Cincinnati causing the electric to be out for several days up to a week in some places.

October I went to Unified Underground with Chris Human in Maryland and felt a renewed desire to reach out to the punk rock culture and hope to implement that in the next year with my involvement with Covenant. My parents came to visit as well and the Cyclones started up their hockey season.

In November, I went to visit Chas and got to see the Dropkick Murphys in Louisville. Flatfoot56 came to Cincinnati on the same day Kristina had to come down for a school thing and to visit me. Covenant held a Thanksgiving Dinner for the neighborhood and the Human's helped out with that which somewhat bridged two parts of who I am together. We had a presidential election (amongst other offices). I can't say I am surprised by the outcome though I did not vote in accordance with the majority. I felt like I was without a good option for the major parties.

December was my deadline for the Cornerstone film project and I finished it the day of one of Sophia's last shows. The film was premiered at the Human's house with friends that went to Cornerstone as well as others who did not go. I returned to Pennsylvania for the first time since June and got to see some old friends and the family. The New Year was rung in with the Human's and other friends (Chris, Tammi, Rudy, Josh, Luke, Lisa, etc). We ate at Tokyo's Japanese Restaraunt then hung out at the Human's to watch the ball drop in New York where it appeared extremely cold.

2009 is now upon us. I hope the year is good. I hope no one close to me experiences tragedy. I cannot wait for Cornerstone but it won't happen until the end of June so I must wait about seven months but my money is in for my ticket! I expect to continue my filming and film editing hobby and hope to get better.

A United Family (in the context of Covenant in Northside Cincy)

2008-09-21T20:12:00.002-04:00

Church is intended to be a united body of believers but unfortunately due to our human nature and the selfishness that comes with human nature, our own agendas have divided Christians since nearly the beginning of the Christian faith. That does not mean that we should be complacent and say “well it’s been this way for thousands of years” but instead today we should attempt to bring about unity and that needs to start here. We are a small but growing part of the Body of Christ that will not continue to grow much longer unless we come together regardless of our differences. If we cannot overcome the differences amongst us then how can we overcome the differences between those of us that are here and those out there?

Within this body we should be united by the fact that each of us is a child of God. This is the very basic truth and very basic concept that should unite us. There are far more similarities than just that. As a group of God’s children we should then be a family and a family should be united. When one thinks about the idea of a family there should also be the thought of love. I know this is not always true of all families…maybe it’s not true in your family. Nonetheless it should be and maybe through the messages and lessons that God will provide you through Scripture and the fellowship with other believes then we can come to understand what love is and how to live that love so others can see it including your family. Regardless of what type of family background you are coming from, whether loving or unloving, here in this place love should reign true.

God, amongst other characteristics, is love. In fact, all his character is tied into love. God is forgiving, God is merciful, God is just. As the Church, we really should be love so that we can be a reflection of God so others can have a chance to know the truth. Through love we can be united and a family. Through love others might join this family. Through love this neighborhood might change for the good. But what would that kind of unity look like?

Acts 4:32-37

The Believers Share Their Possessions

32 All the believers were of one heart and mind, and they felt that what they owned was not their own; they shared everything they had. 33 And the apostles gave powerful witness to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and God's great favor was upon them all. 34 There was no poverty among them, because people who owned land or houses sold them 35 and brought the money to the apostles to give to others in need.

36 For instance, there was Joseph, the one the apostles nicknamed Barnabas (which means "Son of Encouragement"). He was from the tribe of Levi and came from the island of Cyprus. 37 He sold a field he owned and brought the money to the apostles for those in need.

I wonder quite a bit how many Christians read a passage like that and consider that those people really did sell everything and really did make sure that there was no poverty amongst them. When you look at the lifestyle of most Americans that might be a difficult thing to do. We all have more than many in the world have even though probably a lot of us here don’t necessarily have as much as many other Americans. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t definitely needs amongst us that maybe could be met if we were more careful about the things we buy. If I sold the DvDs or CDs I own would that help someone eat tonight? Or maybe allow them to have a roof over their head? It very well could and if I can resist the desire to own these things then maybe there would be a change for the good. If nothing else, the example of these people is probably just about as important as their actions. They were willing to sell everything so that there would be no poverty. Are we willing to at least unite together to help those in need amongst and around us?

All of us know people who have needs and all of us can do something even if it’s small to help those in need. It should not matter if you and the other person might have a disagreement. There will be disagreements in a family but love needs to overcome those differences and disagreements. This place is a regular old building but there is something that makes it special. What makes it special is that we meet here as the Church, the body of Christ. We meet as a family in this place. Yes, there will be some disagreements that may come between us. This is not the place to hash out those differences in a destructive way. One can disagree with another even in their love for each other. Our love for each other is part of why this place is special and should be treated with a certain level of respect and in that respect we should be respectful to each other even when we are in disagreement with another amongst the family here. I believe that we can work together to get through disagreements constructively in unity and in such a way that we can build each other up. By showing mercy and grace to each other when we are wronged or cannot agree we will show love. That is a way that those around us in this neighborhood can also maybe experience God. That will certainly strengthen the bond of this family. It might help others who might be looking for somewhere to belong to feel welcome here even if they may be quite different from us in here. That love of God should compel us to do whatever we can to help each other and others around us regardless how big or small the need is and no matter how much or little we can give to help.

Acts 2:43-47

The Believers Meet Together

43 A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. 44 And all the believers met together constantly and shared everything they had. 45 They sold their possessions and shared the proceeds with those in need. 46 They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord's Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity-47 all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their group those who were being saved.

Those spoken of in these scriptures as well as those in Acts 4 I am sure where a diverse group of people. Some amongst them were poor while others may have been wealthy. They appear to have an understanding of the differences between needs and wants so that they could meet the needs to ensure that others could eat or sleep somewhere and have something to wear. They did not need to have whatever would have been designer outfits of that time. They just needed clothing. They did not need a mansion but a place to sleep in shelter from the wind or the rain or snow or whatever weather was going on out there. There is not a need for soda or candy or even the top brand name foods but they certainly needed food and water and that was provided to satisfy the desire of hunger and quench the thirst. This group of people took the words of Jesus very seriously and came to understand love but they didn’t stop with the understanding. They began to live it in such a way that they were serving others with that love. They went as far as to sell all they had to allow for others to have their needs met. Like I said before, the example of the action I think is almost as important as what they did. Also I believe that the faith they showed in trusting that God would provide enough for their need is also something important for us in these Scriptures. I wonder if it was at all difficult for them to come to that point of faith and trust in God…I wonder how much faith it would take for us to believe and trust that God will provide and in those provisions can we care enough about each other to share so that there would be enough for everyone amongst us? I desire to come to understand that myself and to come to understand what is enough.

Such understanding takes time of fellowship and study with other believers so that we can take these ideas we find in Scripture and bounce them off each other to hopefully gain clearer understanding of what Christ would desire of us. It was recorded in the Gospels that Jesus had a conversation with his disciples regarding unity as it relates to the Kingdom of Heaven. It seems that the Kingdom of Heaven has upside down or backwards logic. I think that is because we aren’t looking at it the way God sees it. The last will be first; the leader is the servant.

Mark 10:42-45

42 So Jesus called them together and said, "You know that in this world kings are tyrants, and officials lord it over the people beneath them. 43 But among you it should be quite different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, 44 and whoever wants to be first must be the slave of all. 45 For even I, the Son of Man, came here not to be served but to serve others, and to give my life as a ransom for many."

Just prior to Jesus calling the group of disciples together, two disciples, the sons of Zebedee called James & John or in Matthew’s account their mother, came to Jesus and asked to be placed in seats of honor in the Kingdom of God and that offended the other ten disciples. I can understand why they might be offended. It would be like a small group of people had one defined leader. In that small group where everyone but the leader had the same basic standing and brought an equal amount to the group then one or two of them asked to be elevated in importance above the rest. This may not have been the intention of the other two but that is how the disciples saw it and it caused discontentment amongst the entire group. Jesus then began to explain how things work in the Kingdom of Heaven where it was revealed that we, the followers of Jesus Christ, should serve others. That is love & that brings about unity.

Love is not a selfish thing. It is not a means to get something from someone else or at least it shouldn’t be. 1 Corinthians 13 lays it out pretty much and in there I see nothing about selfishness or a “me first” attitude. If we truly love God and love each other then we need to start thinking about each other…even before our selves at times. This is not to say necessarily to give everything you have away to the point that you cannot survive. It is pretty clear in the Acts scriptures that as a united body there would be enough to go around. One day one person might have a certain need that another could have a way to meet the need. Maybe the next day the person that met the need might come to find themselves in need and another person or even the person from before who’s needs were met might have what it would take to meet the needs of the needy.

It is obvious there is a lot that divides humanity throughout the world. The same is true just in this neighborhood let alone the city, county, state, & country. We have a diverse blend of cultures, races, & backgrounds economic or otherwise surrounding this location that certainly can and has caused tension but it does not have to be that way. Just because something has been a certain way for a very long time does not make it right nor does it mean it cannot be changed. Sometimes we have a mindset from which we cannot break free very easily and that mindset may not be one that is godly. Maybe it has been something that we lived with for so long that it is our nature but does that make it right or excusable? No. Others certainly should have patience in dealing with it but we also should do the best we can to break free from that bondage through the help of Christ especially after we are aware of the problems it might cause. No, we won’t likely be perfect in every situation and when we mess up we need to come ask forgiveness of the brother or sister we have offended and work through the differences as a unity body of Christians. If we can’t unite then why would others want to come be part of this? Jesus Christ is something that we should desire not just for ourselves but to share with anyone and everyone else we meet. There are tactful ways of sharing Christ with those around us. Some may not want anything to do with Christ and that’s ok…just pray that Christ will be revealed in a special way for those people that don’t want to hear about the truth. When we do not present ourselves as a united family though, it makes the Christ we know and love much less desirable to those around us that are seeing the disunity.

People desire unity. It is evident in so many areas of life. There are certain music scenes, there are gangs, and there is a common bond amongst sports fans of certain teams…sometimes a common bond with others just to be against a certain team as well. Unfortunately, oftentimes the unity found there causes division elsewhere.

In Christ, sadly there is also division but it doesn’t have to be that way. We need to commit to loving each other the way Christ described through serving each other. We can be like the united brothers and sisters described in Acts 2 and 4. I for one am tired of seeing division and desire to see this body be united together in such away that no matter who comes through that door they would be welcomed and loved. Even if it is someone’s worst enemy I desire to see that person shown the love of Christ. Even if another culture group that maybe has oppressed people in this room in the past, even if they come through that door I desire to see the love of Christ showered on them. I believe that if we can do that then we will change this neighborhood, and on up until the world is changed. This takes time so we will need patience as we are obedient to the call to love each other and be united. It starts here amongst us that we might love each other so strongly that no disagreement will break that bond nor will we be able to withhold forgiveness when we are wronged. Let’s learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others. Let’s learn in our disagreements what it means to be united and free in Christ to love each other and those all around us.

One Year In Cincinnati

2008-09-11T00:31:00.002-04:00

As of tonight it is exactly one year ago that I left Mansfield for the last time to move to Cincinnati. I am still in the same apartment I moved into but it is much more organized than it was a year ago. When I first moved in I could hardly navigate through the apartment and it stayed that way for quite some time. I did the best I could to find a place to sleep. Af first I tried the shorter couch of the two I have but it didn't really work well so I put out the mattress though there wasn't enough room to have it laid out flat the first night. If I recall properly I did manage to make enough space to lay it down flat. The first week, I learned that there is an outlet in the kitchen near the window that leads to the fire escape that affects the outlet on the wall near the refrigerator. For some reason when I plugged the microwave into that outlet it caused the refrigerator to turn on but it would turn off again if I unplugged the microwave. I also noticed it had issues if I plugged something else into that outlet along with the microwave. For the most part, I have had a functioning refrigerator ever since that discovery and if I were to notice it not working I just would wiggle the plug for the microwave and I don't think any of the food ever went bad.

I only had to train for the first week of my new job with Support Care so I had a little time to begin organizing the apartment into a suitable living area though that took over a month to be motivated enough to nearly finish it. That was when my parents came to visit and then my apertment ended up looking about like it does in the Apartment Tour video I posted on youtube (http://www.youtube.com/TigerRAWk) I actually have been working some on organizing the items I never unboxed in the year...I probably havent unboxed them in any of the places I have lived since college. One box is all the paperwork from college though most of those should be on my PC or a CD.

In the year I have been involved with Covenant. Abe asked me to preach twice when he was away. I enjoyed those opportunities and hope that whatever I had to say was used by God to speak to someone that was there. Other than that I have played bass in nearly every morning worship service and occasionally will pray out loud when asked to. Nearly every week I have gone with Abe to visit people that attend Covenant and some people that don't. I was given the opportunity to lead the Wednesday Bible Study for a while as well. I will admit that I wasn't sure what to do with that. Abe asked that I take the scriptures from the message on Sunday for the subject of the Bible Study but it felt like a repeat and I don't know how well it worked during that time I lead it. I also have driven people to church or church related events.

It really doesn't seem like have I done much does it?

I am willing to take on more responsibility and may need to reiterate this to Abe. It would be nice to expand the current congregation by adding some college aged people and other young adults with a desire to serve and live life in a selfless manner.

I quite often work on video projects surrounding Covenant and its events and I edit the services to make a DvD as a master for our records and to distribute to people who are unable to attend for whatever reason.

I made a number of other video projects that surrounded my life so far in Northside:

Other than Covenant I spend much of my time working with the MRDD population through SupportCare. It has been an interesting job. The individuals I work with are all traumatic brain injuries and often don't seem to realize that they are in need of assistance and certainly do not want to be called "retarded."

Who can blame them?

What has made the job more trying than it probably should be has been my co-workers but for the first time it seems that my superiors appreciate what I am doing. I am not someone seeking praise from others but it is nice to receive it. I could get into the details but maybe another time.

I also was involved with my friends Chris & Monica Human and the rest that I met at Cornerstone in their music endeavor at the Underground. It has opened up opportunities and brought about a number of new friends. It was a short lived volunteer opportunity due to things beyond my control but I returned to Cornerstone with that group again and this time I camped with them. There will be future opportunities with this group to work together.

So with all that I have loved living in Cincinnati. I think I would feel the same way with any other city of similar size that has the opportunities that I have come across so far. I think that having a riverfront adds to Cincinnati. Not that Mansfield was much of a city had only a stream going through it and a few watery areas in nearby communities (though that stream did flood the city).

There is a lot of interesting things in this city and Northside is an interesting neighborhood. I haven't felt much fear for my safety...I only had one incident involving shooting and that was when I was in the church. It happened so fast that I wasn't all that scared at the time but it certainly made me a bit nervous for a while.

There is a great pizza shop across the street called Portofinos that I frequent often. Other foods I have come to love are Skyline Chili and Habenero's Latin American food. There are two coffee shops in Cincinnati that get my business as well. In Northside is Sidewinder's and in Clifton there is Sitwell's. I started thinking seriously about trying to support local businesses over the chains while in Mansfield but coffee wise there wasn't a better alternative to Starbuck's to be found until I was getting ready to move to Cincinnati when I found Temple Court Coffee to meet my taste. In Cincinnati I have been able to buy locally more. Skyline is a chain but it originated in Cincinnati. There is a Farmer's Market in the neighborhood on Wednesdays as well so I am able to get locally grown fruits and vegetables and if ever I get to the point I take time to cook more I might buy more from that.

My concert going needs are met in Northside by a few small bars called The Northside Tavern, The Blue Rock Tavern, & The Gypsy Hut. Covenant has had a few shows but the current location does not work well for shows right now (it is quite the small facility but it does big things!). Other places I have gone to are the 20th Century Theatre, Bogarts, The Southgate House, The Undergound (though the focus seems to have changed and the bands aren't what I tend to enjoy), the Madison Theatre, and the most attended place is the Madhatter. I guess I can add Chris & Monica's home too; they have hosted Tom Conlon in their home.

I drove to Louisville, Dayton, and Columbus for a show or two as well but I love living in the same city as the shows.

A year gone and I have not gotten too restless yet. Any restlessness has been quenched by short trips to visit friends in other places.

So what comes next?

For now I plan to remain in this apartment for a while and I have felt a calling to maybe buy a home (probably a really cheap rundown place that I will have to fix up). I think I would like to create a communal living place or a place to allow for creative expression by setting up a studio area and such in the house. I am not sure how I will go about this but it has been on my heart. I don't have any plans on relocating at this point outside of Cincinnati let alone Northside. I certainly want to expand my efforts with Covenant or wherever else I might be needed or utilized as well. I hope to have more opportunities to further explore the Cincinnati culture.

Cincinnati has been good to me this past year and I hope for more to come. I have wandered it seems for the last four years but I may be ready to settle somewhere...finally.