My Uncle Andy died a year ago today though he spent the last two weeks of his life in a coma after his heart stopped on March 9th, 2008. His life was way too short but he certainly had a lifetime of adventures. My family has suffered for the last year dealing with the loss but life has gone on without Andy and most recently my great-Aunt Peryl.
In regards to Andy, we spent the last year learning about Brugada's Syndrome and testing to determine if any of the rest of us might carry the gene. My mother and my Uncle Dan both showed signs of Brugada Syndrome therefore my brother and I were tested along with my cousin Brynne and her children. I did not show anything that looked like I have Brugada Syndrome so I apparently will not be affected by it. My brother and cousin did not appear to have it either. My mom and Uncle Dan were implanted with defibrillators that should restart the heart should any unusual episodes occur that might cause the heart to stop unexpectedly. My grandfather has had some heart issues that we have come to find and has had to visit with doctors and do different things to ensure his life does not end in this unexpected way that we lost Andy.
I guess those are the blessings we bring out of the loss of Andy but it sure would have been nice to not have had these important discoveries come with the sacrifice of a life.
One of my biggest regrets is that I never had a chance to visit with Andy up in Alaska. I suppose I could visit my Aunt Rebecca and their boys Erik & Jacob in Alaska but I don't know when or if that will ever happen. I always did want to go up there but its not like any of the trips I regularly go on where I can be there in a day or less. I would more than likely need to fly there and arrange for a week or so off of work to spend there. With all that I seem to have going on at any given moment it would be something that needs planned out but maybe I will get around to doing so eventually.
I wish I would have had a chance to physically see Andy one last time before he was gone. I think the last time I had spent with Andy was in 2006 in the summer. I was given an unexpected extra few days on my vacation that I took. I first went to Warren before going to Cornerstone then I returned to Warren for the extra few days before coming back to Mansfield to start my new job. In the summer of 2008 I planned for a week to be in Warren to spend time with Andy and his family. I did spend time with his family but due to his passing on I did not spend time with Andy. There were moments that it hit hard the truth of what death is during that time that I was in Warren and that might have made returning to Cincinnati for a few days before leaving for Cornerstone a bit more refreshing that it would have been otherwise but part of me really did not want to leave Warren and my family after that visit.
Death is something that we all eventually deal with, so why is it hard when it happens? In my family, it is hard because it wasn't something we expected to happen in the case of the deaths this past year. As a youngster, I lost my great-grandparents but that didn't affect me in the way the loss of Andy did and the loss of Peryl was different still. The great-grandparents health was such that the end was obviously near for them and in some ways a blessing to know they no longer suffered in the failing physical bodies. Peryl, though advanced in years, died rather unexpectedly and due to my physical distance from my homeland, I don't think it quite has felt real yet. Her husband, my great-uncle Ken has had a very hard time dealing with her death. He has lost someone that has been there with him for over 60 years; no doubt it isn't easy to live on after such a loss. At this point, I have made a habit of visiting Warren two times a year though last year I made a special trip to be there for Andy's memorial service. I did not attend my home church this past December when I visited Warren so I did not see my great-aunt Peryl. The last time I saw her was when I came to Warren in June 2008 and probably the next time I visit Warren for enough time to attend my home church is when it will hit me that I will no longer see Peryl on this side of eternity. That is what happened more or less in June with Andy for me because I did expect to see him then and he wasn't there.
Death is a separation that semi-permanent. It is permanent in that us, the living, no longer can see, touch, or talk to the loved one no longer living. I suppose we can talk to them but they cannot respond in the traditional sense. It is hard because that connection we had before is no longer there and it feels as though a piece is now missing. I know that is how it feels for me since Andy passed on. I did not see him or talk to him that often but I always knew he was out there somewhere and always believed that soon enough we'd be hanging out again up until March 2008. There were some moments in the aftermath were I felt a deep sadness and others where I wasn't too outwardly affected. From the time he fell into the coma my mind was always on Andy. I think about him more now that he is gone than I ever did while he was alive. I think of his example of Christ to this world. I think of how much I respect the person he was and I think about how loved he was by anyone that knew him as well as my family and I. I think about how I hope to have the impact he has but feel that I could never leave such a great legacy if I happen to live longer than his short 48 years. Now I think some of Peryl and her 82 years and the amazing legacy she leaves behind. I think of the love she gave to anyone she met and how loved she was by all that knew her and by my family and I and again feel that I will never have such a great impact on this world that she has had but will do my best to try to be such an example of Christ as she.
After the loss of Andy, I decided to dedicate my art of video to his honor and then with the loss of Peryl decided to make my dedication a bit more general in honor of all in my family that has passed on and even to those still in this earthly life.
One thing about death as a believer and follower of Christ is the understanding this life is not all there is. We believe death is not the end but a transitioning from one life into glory. How does all that work out? Since I am not dead I cannot say with certainty and since I have not been granted the vision into the otherside to my knowledge I do not believe I have an answer to this question. I do not know if the moment we take our last breath of earthly air that we are transformed into glorious bodies and pass through the gates of heaven (there is a much less glorious alternative as well but I don't desire to get into that at this point) or if we have a time of spiritual slumber until the end of all time by our measurement on earth when, depending on your interpretation, the Lord will finish things one way or another and redeem the earth into a new earth with a new heaven and the dead will be resurrected and the faithful living and faithful dead will join together in an eternal paradise. What I do have faith in with all the certainty that is humanly possible is that death is absolutely not the end and the separation is not permanent, eternally speaking. With that belief I firmly expect to be with Andy and Peryl on the otherside in glory.
In this modern age, life is expected to last somewhere in the neighborhood of 80 years. For Andy to have died at 48 took us completely by surprise. No one knew there was any history of heart complications in the Sorensen family. Andy was a man of good health. He was very active, hunting, fishing, nature photography, something of a stay at home dad, etc. He was out and about the day he had the cardiac episode brought on by Brugada Syndrome and there was nothing to indicate he'd not see the light of another day. Even after he was brought back by the paramedics, there was a belief he should bounce back from this and be fine. None of us wanted to believe this was the end. It was a few days before the grim reality started to become clear that we'd no longer have the Andy Sorensen we knew all our lives. It was brought to my attention he had suffered severe brain damage and I thought of the population of MRDD folks I work with and absolutely could not believe that would be the state of my Uncle not because there is anything that disgusts me about the folks I work with but I could not believe my Uncle would not longer be free to do anything as he had always been. Due to my history of working with these folks I wondered if I'd maybe have to assist my Uncle with his living? It was a thought that crossed my mind more than once should he come out of the coma and have such damage as seemed to be the indication from the medical experts. He had gone far too long without oxygen that all higher functioning of his brain had been damaged. It wasn't long that we began to realize that he was not going to pull through and he was being kept alive by machines. When the plug was pulled I understand he did not survive very long afterwards which I personally felt was a sign that he was meant to pass on after all this. There was very little struggle to cling to life as I understand it. I wondered what would we do had he tried to hold on after the plug had been pulled?
The decision to pull the plug was thankfully not in my hands. I am not sure that I would want to make that decision. For myself, should I ever come to have an incident that leaves me in a state where I am kept alive by machines, I want the plug pulled, though if my body is not ready to go and fights valiantly to cling to life you may want to consider hooking me back up to see what happens. The decision to pull the plug I am sure was a difficult one for my aunt Rebecca to make and I understand she wished for agreement from both my uncle Steve and Grandpa who were there at the bedside. I am grateful once the decision was made that Andy passed quickly so there was little if any second guessing that the right decision was made. Of course it wasn't any easier just because he passed rather quickly. No one wants to lose someone they love, no matter the situation and no one wants to hold the fate of another life in their hands...not like this.
Even with our modern advances that have helped humans to have longer lives and to the belief of some, a better quality of living, unexpected death does come along as has been the case in the last year for my family. Sometimes it is due to poor personal choices to indulge in drug use or alcohol or promiscuous sex and sometimes other peoples poor decisions bring the unexpected end to another life. In my current cultural setting, it seems to come to many. In the urban setting I have heard it said amongst the children in the community surrounding Covenant (the Church I am part of) is they fear growing older due to the fact they are exposed to many teenagers who die much too young due to violence. It would be nice to believe that our civilization has advanced beyond the violent ways of the past but it has not. Countries go to war over things that could be dealt with if there was such a thing as diplomacy. People groups decide to kill others for their lands or the things they own. Some kill over skin colors or heritage or class. These things should not be. These differences should not warrant violence or death. Children should not be afraid to advance beyond their teenage years. One watches a movie like Gangs of New York and says something about what a savage time that much have been 150 years ago or so but how much different are times now? I'd say they aren't much different when you really look at it. Groups continue to fight over territories that have no eternal value but sometimes it looks a bit more civilized to those who aren't in the midst of it (and even sometimes to those in the midst of it). They fight over differences and grudges of an offense that will not matter in the grand scheme of life (a sidenote: I hope to settle and make peace with anyone who I ever offended because of the fact we are never guaranteed another day. I have been doing my part to right the wrongs I have committed against those my path has crossed but if there is anyone out there I have not yet apologized to and reached out in peaceful reconciliation please contact me and we can settle the differences in love and forgive each other our trespasses). Everyday families suffer unexpected loss but unlike my family they suffer because of these things that should never have taken the lives of the loved ones.
My family suffers because of a genetic defect that took our loved one unexpectedly. It could have been prevented had we known about it but we did not. Could Andy have been saved? Yes, but there is a number of variables that would have had to have been switched and then we might have Andy with us today but there is no way of fixing the past. You just have to try to take the best out of the life you are given and try to learn from the things that aren't so great. As hard as it has been, I believe my family and I have been doing this over this past year and by the grace of God we will continue to do so the rest of our days however long or short they might be. Yes, it remains hard. The one year anniversary brings about the memories of our loss but we have to continue to live our lives in honor of our beloved Andy.
As I grow older I expect to become more and more familiar with death, after all, as we live each day we each move closer to our respective end. As true as that might be, it really is not something I am ready to embrace as a norm in my life. I suppose time will tell how it will affect me as it occurs again and again around me and i expect it will bring about sadness each time but I hope to also be able to rejoice in the fullness of each life lived and not just celebrate the life lived but the hopeful passing into a glorious eternity as well. I hope that all my loved ones will have a committed faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and are faithful followers/believers. Those around me grow older and that is evident by the health complications that become more noticeable in some as they advance through the years. I hope that the deaths that will plague the loved ones in my life will be peaceful passings but I hope that they are not unexpected deaths as have happened this past year but if they have to be I hope each loved one is blessed with a long fulfilled existence.
Andy Sorensen has been on the otherside for a year now and still he is deeply missed by my family and I. We love him and eagerly anticipate being with him again one day. Until then, Andy, rest peacefully in the love of your family and your Father.
Andy Sorensen Memorial Film Playlist
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=B1EDD4C605EC9E52
Peryl Sorensen Memorial Film
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3wK88Vmkls
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